These are a bunch of different meals you can make for your friends to manipulate them. Don’t have TOO much fun with these
LAZINESS LASAGNA
If you notice one of your friends or family members acting lazier than usual, make them a lasagna. Not just any lasagna, though. The most decadent, ridiculous lasagna you can muster. Put all that you have into that lasagna, both emotionally and kitchen-wise. This will send them into a shame spiral, as eating a lasagna that bodacious is an inherently sinful act against one’s body. Said shame spiral will sufficiently motivate them to get back to work and stop being a slacker or YOU’RE FIRED
GIRLFRIEND-REMOVING GUAC
Does your friend or family member have an annoying girlfriend that reminds you that you don’t have a girlfriend? Then boy, do I have the guac for you! First, make a guac. Second, find out what she’s allergic to and put it in the guac. Then, when she eats it, she will be super embarrassed that she had an allergic reaction that she’ll flee in shame. HA! If she isn’t allergic to anything, simply put poison in the guac and give everyone else the antidote. Maybe find out a drink that she doesn’t like but everyone else likes, and serve that drink with the antidote in it. If you can’t find a drink that she doesn’t like, give up on the guac and gorilla mask her. Also, just in case you are very confused right now, it’s short for guacamole
STONER SAVING SOUP
Got a stoner friend who’s cleaning up and going to a job interview? Do them a solid and give them a soup full of marijuana right before they leave. Then, when they show up to the interview high as fuck, the interviewers will assume that that is their normal state. This way, when they show up high in the future, it won’t be questioned. You’re welcome, stoner friend!
MURDER BURGER
That’s a typo, it means burger. It was either that or Murger Burger and that’s just not as eye-catching, alright? ALRIGHT? Fuck, you piss me off. Anyway, do you have a friend or family member who maybe you don’t want around anymore? Buy them a burger from McDonalds, but not just any burger from McDonalds, right? Wrong, you fucking trash person, just a normal goddamn burger. Then, take them some place nice and remote, and murger them. Now that wasn’t exactly EYE-CATCHING WAS IT CUNT
APOLOGY APPLE CRUMBLE
I’m sorry for the previous paragraph, as an apology please accept this apple crumble recipe that you can make for your friends or family members when you need to say sorry for something. First cut up some apples and put them in a greased dish, then sprinkle over a mixture of brown sugar, flour, oats and a whack of cinnamon. Then bake it at 180 for half an hour or till it looks done. I’ve had to make this a LOT, most recently when I crashed my uncle’s car into his house and pets and him
