Dear Aunty Slut,
How do I let my boyfriend know that I like kinky sex? (I donβt mean like, gimp masks and flaying and scat or anything, just, you know, a bit kinky.) How do I tell him I like to be held down a little, without him thinking Iβll be his subordinate in other areas of our relationship too? Also, heβs a bit of a straight laced dude, what if heβs not into it, or thinks Iβm a crazy?
Unkinked and Unhappy
Dear Unkinked and Unhappy,
Itβs completely normal to want to be dominated a bit in the bedroom, but also to be respected and treated as an equal in other areas of your life. Well, I hope so anyway, or I am totally screwed.
If your dude thinks that if you like a bit of choking with your orgasms then your only desire is to live in the kitchen making him sammiches or cleaning the house then heβs a fuckwit. Until he demonstrates a complete lack of brains or character though, letβs give him some credit. Submission in the bedroom does not mean submission everywhere else.
Aunty Slut recommends that you wind him up, get him fucking you in doggy style and really going for it then ask him to hit you. Heβll either comply with gusto, or get confused. Either way, it broaches the subject.
But if your dudeβs a bit of a wimp it might be best to start small. Ask him to pin your wrists above your head. Get him to pull your hair. Ask him to bite you. Bend over and ask him to decorate your rear with sexy handprints. If he baulks and doesnβt put enough force behind any of the above, use that lovely sexy word βharderβ until he does it properly. If that doesnβt get him in the mood, ask him again.
If youβre worried that your guy is going to think less of you for wanting your hair pulled or your ass slapped, you need to talk to him about it, because it sounds to me like youβre uncomfortable asking him to fulfil you sexually. Whether this is because youβre worried heβs going to judge you or because you secretly judge yourself is irrelevant- give those fears a middle finger and embrace the kink. Communicate, be safe and revel in a bit of painful pleasure
If nothing else please remember- if you like being bitten, having your ass spanked or your hair pulled it doesnβt mean youβre a whore. It means youβre fucking awesome.
Disclaimer- make sure youβre into consensual, intimate and safe kink because if youβre taking cues from Fifty Shades then you need to be very, very careful. The shit storm contained within that trilogy is a text book abusive relationship- and full of scary messages about consent, romance, S&M and desire. (I could go on, but if you really need convincing that Fifty Shades is NOT to be aspired to, hit http://pervocracy.blogspot.co.nz/)
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