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Blind Date – Issue 22

She’s a final year business student looking for my classic tall dark and handsome. Waikato born and raised, 50% sesh lover, 50% wholesome. Provides below par chat but can often get away with it for being a ‘beezy’. He’s a fourth year engineering student who sent his flatmate on a blind date, so is being returned the favour to find some love. 

He Said

Two blondes walk into a bar – you’d think the second one would have ducked. After previously setting up my recently single mate for a little blind date action, it was only fair he returned the favour. I did everything I could to quench my nerves with a drink or two beforehand. The prospect of meeting a woman who wasn’t paid to be there both enticed me and terrified me. However, the realisation that she too was most likely bribed, and probably cared very little about my actual personality dawned on me just as I walked into the bar; I should have ducked. I was pleasantly surprised when she walked in at a reasonable time. Her long blonde – well not quite blonde – hair flowed behind her in a messy yet gorgeously endearing ponytail, and her sparkling blue eyes begged me to find out more. The fact that I quickly recognised her as someone I went to school with a decade ago did little to curb my enthusiasm – beggars can’t be choosers. She now studies some variation on the basic white-girl business degree (when did I ask?). As the first round of drinks hit the table, I tried to refrain from gagging at the sickly sight of her orange fishbowl. Sorry babe. However, the Long Island iced tea was a good follow up. It was established that we are both fiends for town. So much so, that our paths crossed just the previous weekend. The idea that she may have been embarrassed at her markedly below average amorous performance left me feeling emasculated on her behalf. She lives just down the road though, so round two isn’t out of the question, and I tend to judge off second impressions anyway. I was hoping to write something funny about how the date was an absolute train-wreck, but she was a lovely girl and it took some serious creative liberties to make this a good read. All in all, it was a great night with a great girl and I highly recommend the experience… second date? xx 


She Said

After getting ready and sinking a few warm-up bevys, I was prepared. I got one of the girls to drop me off a few minutes late (classic) to start off the old “treat them mean, keep them keen” process. I walked in and introduced myself only for him to mention straight away that he knew of me from way back and was actually one of my primary school OG fans. Awkward. I couldn’t remember him but I definitely did enjoy the ego boost I got from it. The night ran smoothly, drinks were flowing and the chat was about 80% dominated by the topic of the sesh; which I wasn’t complaining about. Seemed that one of his biggest flexes was the kind of sad reality that he was a final year engineering student that pulls meccy mahi hours on the side. Also found out that he is a country boy who drives tractors yet is also an awful driver that embarrassingly managed to write off his own car into his garage. Hence why it is safe to say that he won’t be parking his big Mack truck right in my little garage. Got all deep and personal and found out that he used to get teased and called Albino when he was younger so naturally I had to bring up the old traumas and tease him more for it throughout the night purely to be a dickhead and to bully him some more for Nexus. Said he’s the type to roast and rip into his mates which had me excited to see what he would pull on me but honestly he just simped the whole night asking and complimenting about my jewellery and whatnot. By the end of the evening, I can’t lie and say that I could properly remember his name. Had to strategically pull the sneaky “what’s your Instagram handle” but managed to recover swiftly and effectively without him noticing I hope! Overall good evening, easy to yarn to and seemed like a nice kid. He asked if I would be interested to do it again but I don’t quite think that he’s my cup of tea sorry! Chairs Nexus and House. 

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