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Fuck your Yellow Line

I hear that recently aunty Cindy has been having a bitch and a moan about electric cars and how New Zealand should get behind the whole electric vehicles as a way to save the environment (don’t quote me on that, the only news I know about this topic is from people’s Instagram stories)  Similar to old mate Cindux, I’m a strong successful women who has a taste for men who like to go M.I.A with a bag of white powder (allegedly) and I’m about to have a bitch and a moan about cars.

 

Whose smart idea was it to build a million little town houses so close together and only give them one or two car parks per six-bedroom house?! These townhouses are advertised to naïve university students at a rental price that would cost you a kidney (srsly, why is our 6bd rent $790!!!???) With property managers swindling these naïve students into signing a lease for a townhouse that either has more stairs than the great wall of china, no washing line with a side of a front loader and a broken dryer, or no fucking parking. Now if you live down some boring street on the Silverdale side, a house without parking probably isn’t a huge deal because all your neighbours are old geezers who are probably retired and can’t drive anyways. But if you live closer to the uni and down a street off Knighton, then you know the real struggle.

 

You probably have a higher chance of winning the lottery than finding a park right outside your flat. If you’re blessed enough to live on Helena or Bleakley ,or anywhere else that is practically made up of double yellow lines – I hope you enjoy the $60 parking tickets that they seem to be handing out weekly. But where else are you supposed to park?! You can’t be expected to park five kilometres aways, the uni shoves little clip art flyers on your windscreen if you park unpaid in their car park for too long and they’ve yet to invent car parking garages in the sky – and if they did exist, I’m sure they would cost more than my whole flats rent. Now maybe all us students could just leave our cars at home like other students in much cooler cities with a lower chlamydia per capita rate, but unfortunately our public transport system is just as shit as the river water.

 

With a few buses running here and there and a train running to Auckland twice a day (only at like the crack of dawn and 5pm tho) it makes it almost impossible to get around, unless you know how to teleport or rely on the Waiwai express. I am a firm believer in the conspiracy that the Hamilton city council has painted all these useless yellow lines on streets outside student houses in an effort to make money and to keep parking wardens employed. 



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Letter From The Editor – Issue 7