Nexus Breaks the News – Issue 9 2026
Better Bus Services on the cards for Cambridge You read that right, Cambridge’s population – which consists entirely of people over the age of 70 – will finally be seeing better bus services that will more efficiently shuttle them between their retirement homes and the horse races. CHRIS BISHOP REBUFFS PLEAS TO SLOW DOWN FAST-TRACK PROJECTS I mean, just […]
Nexus Breaks The News – Issue 8 2026
Over enthusiastic conductor sends $2m violin flying: Why the fuck was someone playing a violin that was worth $2m in the first place?? This seems like an entirely preventable incident. Was it made of gold or something? Video of Prince Louis on holiday released to celebrate 8th birthday: It’s good to know that no matter who […]
Nexus Breaks the News – Issue 7 2026
Secret apartment in US mall went unnoticed for four years: This is the type of shit that would have had me convinced I could do this in the base when I was like 5 years old. Maybe there’s no time like the present… Eight children dead after Louisiana mass shooting: No joke for this one. The prevalence of gun […]
Nexus Breaks the News – Issue 6 2026
MY ROFLCOPTER GOES SWOI SWOI SWOI SWOI Auckland police have arrested a man after he used a laser to blind a police helicopter. The suspect, a Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, had been constructing his Helicopterpilotblinderinator for several weeks leading up to his arrest. A NIGHT OUT (OF DATE) Grab your Aelfric Eden and Shein essentials! On […]
Nexus Breaks the News – 23/3/26
Trump buys all of his staff the same shoes, guesses shoe sizes: There are so many layers to this that I could make a joke about this with, but the fact he said “everyone’s afraid not to wear them” says enough I think. A drone looking for a missing man finds a bear waking up from hibernation: I love […]
Nexus Breaks the News – 16/03/26
Iran war pushes fuel past $100 usd per barrel: This is definitely our sign to flood the Hamilton bus system and finally take advantage of that student pricing. Judith Collins regarding Christopher Luxon: “he’s excellent” The results of that recent poll definitely say otherwise, but whatever butters your lobster queen. Just remember that’s the party you quit. Prince Andrew seen in incriminating […]
Nexus Breaks the News – 09/03/26
The US, Iran and Israel are almost in full-blown war. I know there’s always a lot of chat going around about how WWIII is probably on the way at some point, but this genuinely feels like it is the beginning of really bad things. 48 Iranian leaders and 3 US soldiers dead in one day is usually not […]
Nexus Breaks the News – 02/03/26
Wellington resident’s toilet explodes, shit literally hits the fan If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard about a toilet or sewage exploding this week, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird it happened twice. Looks like Wellington has extremely big, shit flavoured fish to fry. Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor gets arrested, then quickly released What’s the point in arresting him if he has almost complete […]
Nexus Breaks The News – Issue 18 2025
HURL HURRELL TO HELL Fonterra big boss – and I say big with zero exaggeration, look at the guy – Miles Hurrell made it clear that the cost of butter is not something he intends to do anything about… In long words, this means that Fonterra will continue to talk big chops about how the […]
Breaks The News
Fake News Oasis is back together, and they will be doing revival tour with BTS Okay, this is half true! I’m worried the youth of today won’t give Oasis the love they deserve, so maybe if they hit the huge BTS fanbase, they could be selling out a worldwide stadium tour. Marketing innit. Underground metro to […]