It’s done, it’s made and we’re all staring in awe. Maybe awe isn’t the right word. Confusion perhaps? Hundreds of millions spent and not a single clay duck range in sight? Seems a massive foresight really. The Pā, while impressive, isn’t what comes to mind in necessities for the tauira. Especially coming off the back of Chris Luzon mentioning their intention to fund the school of Health. We know the higher ups are rubbing their mitts together at the prospect of those med kids rethinking the trek to the mighty south or the humbling Tāmaki Makaurau.
So here’s what we’re thinking–let’s break down what we’d want to see that money spent on to better enhance our campus experience, or just be a better representation of what this university stands for. Dictating what we think is important has been the MO for Nexus since the dawn of time, let’s get that clear.
Underground Tunnels
What it is: You know when you’re at the Zoo and there’s those viewing bubbles to look at Meerkats… only us? Well imagine those and just a massive series of tunnels connecting them under the uni campus. If it works for the government, why would it not work here?
Why it’s beneficial: Well it gives you the ability to run from class to class and check if it’s the right class without that embarrassing moment of walking inside the lecture hall and having everyone staring at you. Seems like a fuckng win to us.
Giant 300m High Billboard that’s bright as fuck
What it is: Well. It’s what it is. Like use your imagination bro.
Why it’s beneficial: Stay with us here. Think about the safety on campus, being able to see the entire campus at all hours. Also who doesn’t want a massive Tina from Turners ad playing at 3am on those dusty walk homes.
Chairs that don’t have 50 years of ass prints on them
What it is: Chairs that don’t threaten your life every time you sit down.
Why it’s beneficial: If you’ve stepped foot anywhere in the teaching block you’ll know what I mean. Those chairs are old and decaying and could give way at any moment. Let’s blow the bank and get some new ones; we’re not asking for much.
Ciggy store
What it is: a store that makes sure the university really connects with the people of Waikato.
Why it’s beneficial: Look, I get it’s illegal and stuff but have you ever heard of better marketing? You want to attract students from the region, then play into what the population loves. It can even be a call back to the uni’s early roots. Bring back the 60’s baby!
Burnout pad
What it is: burnouts!!!!!!!! Wooooooooo!!!!!
Why it’s beneficial: playing a bit more into stereotypes here but why not appeal to the beautiful people of the Waikato more. A nice little study break accompanied by the calming smell of rubber, mmmmmm. I suggest putting it on the Village Green.
Sharks.
What it is: Sharks are a group of elasmobranch fish characterised by a cartilaginous skeleton, five to seven gill slits on the sides of the head, and pectoral fins that are not fused to the head.
Why it’s beneficial: makes the lakes a bit more exciting. Plus it discourages freshers from being nasty and going into the lake.
A uniform.
What it is: a preppy secondary-school style uniform. Blazers, dress shoes, you name it.
Why it’s beneficial: nothing spells sophistication better than making the students dress up like we’re at private school. It distinguishes us from the rest and makes us better than everyone else.
A crying room
What it is: a designated room for students to just let it out.
Why it’s beneficial: no more suppressed sobs in the library. A room that just lets you get those tears out. After you’re done, go out there and crush it, tiger!
A diving board
What it is: a designated spot for diving into the lake
Why it’s beneficial: I’ve heard some yuck stories about freshers jumping into the lake this year and they’re not on their own, it seems to be a repeating cycle. So, while we’d like to keep you out of that toxic body of water (hence the sharks), we also want to make sure that if you take the plunge that it’s somewhat worth the STD you’ll catch.
