Pisces – I want you to take a deep breath with me. What’s that? You can’t not cough because of vaping? Figures
Cancer – There’s something someone has been meaning to tell you. I will though–there’s food in your teeth
Scorpio – Big things coming your way. Meaning you have to finally pay the money you owe to that person. The big thing is their fist in your face.
Libra – Only good vibes this week. No hidden agenda. Nothing at all.
Gemini – My spidey-senses are telling me that you need to send that risky text. Not the one to your crush. The one to your shit flatmate.
Aquarius – Here we are again. You can’t get enough of me, you flirt.
Virgo – I just want to say one thing. Doja Cat is under your bed. Don’t check. Run.
Capricorn – Life’s sort of like a box of chocolates for you. Everyone else has had a taste and left you nothing.
Taurus – Let’s be honest with each other, I think we can be now. Did you mean to wear that?
Leo – SOMETIMES it’s okay to not yell at someone for something they can’t help. Sometimes.
Sagittarius – You’re going to be coming into some money this week. Money owed. Otherwise get ready to punch their dome.
Aries – Howzit bby. You’re looking good today. Come here often?
