AQUARIUS JAN 20 – FEB 18
Remember, small acts of bravery like asking out someone in your lecture may lead to a reward, large acts of stupidity often lead to tear gas and setting alight a kids slide.
PISCES FEB 19 – MAR 20
Love unrestricted this week, but check with healthline if a one night stand makes you a household contact, because that is a long ten days to fake remembering someone’s name.
ARIES MAR 21 – APR 19
Remember to take time to laugh this week. Not only does it remind you that there is still joy in the world but it is a great oxygen check in between your RAT tests every three days.
TAURUS APR 20 – MAY 20
Anyone can dance like nobody’s watching; masturbating like no one is watching is much tricker and will get you kicked out of Pita Pit.
GEMINI MAY 21 – JUN 20
Money and ambition lead you down a dark path this week, but lack of money and ambition could lead you to be a Poli-Sci major, so take your chances in the darkness.
CANCER JUN 21 – JUL 22
Normalcy starts its creep back in the room. It won’t be long before Coyote is open and you will be secretly begging for the mandate days of comfortable slippers and 9pm pyjamas.
LEO JUL 23 – AUG 22
Doing something today that scares you a little is how you know you are alive. Doing something today that scares others is how you know you are a freedom camper.
VIRGO AUG 23 – SEP 22
Trust takes time. Yes your new roommate is probably using your toothbrush, but it could be worse, a girl in Bryant’s new roommate is a bioscience student who is using her toothbrush to clone her.
LIBRA SEP 23 – OCT 22
Don’t lose your compassion, but don’t default to it either. Saying “kindness always wins” is a great gift card, but it’s like saying scissors always wins. Sometimes you have to use paper and rock.
SCORPIO OCT 23 – NOV 21
NEXUS NEEDS A NEW PUZZLE MASTER. Your horoscope demands you consider it! Etita@nexusmag.co.nz
SAGITTARIUS NOV 22 – DEC 21
The answer lies in you. Trust your intuition. After all, you made it to the 5th best University in the entire country with barely anyone’s help.
CAPRICORN DEC 22 – JAN 19
Jupiter is aligned with Mars this week bringing some tension into your life, but if they get you and the 1080 guys on board they are going to try and take over parliament
