SEX AND THE TRON

Here’s what you can do if you’re…

Extremely Single

There’s two main paths you can really go down here. One is to feel like shit. Maybe you’re feeling super lonely and it’s getting you down. Maybe you’re still healing from something, obsessing over someone, or your confidence is just all-around low. In that case, it’s time for some self-reflection. Maybe it’s a good time to learn to just be on your own and become okay with it. Slow down and put more effort into your friendships rather than constantly chasing new love interests. Or, maybe it’s a time for you to reach out for new connections (note the term ‘new’. Repeat after me: NO talking to your ex). This is a prime time for romance opportunities considering that 1) everyone’s cooped up and horny, and 2) you have at least a couple of weeks to lay groundwork (did I mention everyone is bursting with horniness? When we’re all let out, Hamilton will be in the throes of a mass orgy). There’s no huge distractions anymore; literally everyone is at home, on their phones. Thanks to that, dating apps have never been better if you’re not on one right now. Whether you are or whether you’re not, there’s no time like the present to take the punt and slide into someone’s DMs. Reply to an Insta story, a post, or just send them a casual snapchat asking how their iso is going. If they kind of brush it off, you didn’t lose a thing. Don’t get caught up, don’t take it personally. And there’s no need to feel weird about sliding in – you can totally pin it down to the fact that we’re all bored and starting conversations with people we normally wouldn’t speak to that much. If they take the bait and the conversation continues, then congratulations, with a little more groundwork you might just be able to level up onto the next paragraph. Your chances of potential success have literally never been so good. Be bold. Be confident. I cannot stress this enough – this is your sign. We’re all craving intimacy, so take full advantage of this glorious window. If nothing else – you do realise Pornhub premium is free at the moment, right? 

Talking to Someone

Be aware that it’s going to take effort to keep this thing going. Things might fade, and if they do, it’s probably a sign that the feelings from both parties weren’t that strong to begin with. If it’s not working out, don’t get into an obsessive mindset and barrage them with messages. On the other hand, if it’s going well, this is a great time for getting to know each other and ramping things up without distraction. Go for phone calls and video calls. Get into some deeper convos; find out more about them (questions like the kind off the We’re Not Really Strangers ‘gram – there’s a card game too – are basically guaranteed to make you fall in love). Let it unfold naturally, give compliments, and keep up the momentum you were making before this iso came into place. Maintain balance by still talking with your family and friends, of course, but definitely ensure you’re putting in some solid miles to keep this thing going. Flirt your arse off. That totally includes snapchatting nudes (or at least implied nudes) and having Facetime sex. Remote romance doesn’t have to be boring. 

In A Relationship

The couples who are doing well cooped up together in quarantine right now are the ones who know to give each other space. You may love your S.O., but being with ANYBODY all day, every day gets hard. Don’t get bitter if you’re not spending every minute together; respect that you’re each going to need to do your own things. Be considerate. That can range from anything to making your love a coffee in the morning, to taking some deep breaths and giving it some time if you can feel some serious aggravation brewing. Be communicative and anticipate that it might be a challenge. In saying that, this is a seriously awesome opportunity as well. If you can stand living with each other through this, you’ll be stronger at the other end. Be mindful that your sex drives mightn’t always be in sync and that’s totally okay (again, TALK), but also use this opportunity to make your sex life special. Try things. New positions. Role-play. Anal. Bukkake with the flatmates, I don’t fucking know what you’re into. Don’t succumb to this weird pressure for couples to be fucking all day every day in quarantine (no one else is, you’re not the only ones), but also use the time to learn new things together, make sure you’re complimenting each other, have some super cute date nights, come up with things you want to do together when the outside world is available to us again.