Aunty Slut is tired of hearing about groping. This week alone Iβve had three questions from girls wondering what they can do to stop being felt up in town. Iβm sure they teach the difference between good touching and bad touching at primary school, but it appears most of the boys werenβt listening.
A lot of the time, itβs scary being female. The reality is that is if people want to have sex with you, and donβt accept βnoβ as an answer, there is nothing you can physically do to stop them. We rely on people to respect our personal boundaries- to recognise that we are human beings too. And thatβs why when you comment on our bodies or grope us in town, itβs not βa bit of funβ, itβs a direct threat- and it happens all the time. Trying to choose something to wear when Iβm going into town is a nightmare: I tend to walk the line between wearing whatever the fuck makes me happy and being harassed, groped or otherwise dehumanised, or wearing something βsaferβ and feeling like Iβm not being true to myself and letting other peopleβs behaviour control me. Iβve been felt up in short shirts, Iβve been felt up in jeans. Ladies- there is no winning by changing your behaviour- YOU are not the one in the wrong here.
A recent study found that objectification, sexual harassment and abuse are considered just a part of life by young women and what the actual FUCK? It found that those behaviours are so ingrained into womenβs experiences they donβt even view them as particularly unacceptable or inappropriate anymore. That girls trivialise their experiences of sexual harassment or assault because theyβve been conditioned to think itβs just βboys being boysβ, or the price you pay for going into town. Itβs one of the reasons so many rapes go unreported- girls have been grabbed so often they think that sort of thing is normal.
Well itβs not normal- itβs fucked in the head, and Aunty Slut wants it to stop.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but Aunty Slut does not believe for one second that all men are somehow inherently sexually predatory and that they canβt control their base behaviours. In fact, the number of dudes causing a problem here is quite small- the bigger issue is that no one does anything about it when they see it.
Ladies, itβs very easy to say βdonβt let them get to youβ. Itβs easy to say βfight backβ. Itβs easy to say βcover up a littleβ, βstay in groupsβ or βmake sure youβre always in town with a guy mateβ. But there is only one thing that can stop you from being groped.
If guys stop fucking groping you.
So Iβm not going to address the questions put to me by βFrustratedβ, βI just want to dance, βDonβt Touch Meβ and the rest of the women that have emailed variations of this question through.
Iβm going to address the douche-nozzles doing the groping.
Dear 10% of Guys in Town,
When I put my skirt on tonight, I didnβt do it to elicit attention from you. I did not choose this top so that you can appreciate my breasts. I did not put this make up on so I can look pretty for you.
None of me has been packaged for you this evening.
So take your sticky, entitled hands off me.
Even if Iβm in town looking to hook up. Even if Iβm wearing something so short you can see my underwear. Even if Iβm only wearing underwear- I am not asking to be groped.
Next time you go to sexually assault someone- and Iβm calling it what it is- think about how you would feel if you saw someone doing it to your mum, or your sister, or your girlfriend. Or think about how you would feel if some guy rammed his hands down your pants and grabbed your balls. Threats and sexual assaults are not ok, or funny, or cool. Stop doing it.
Girls- when guys grope you, cause a SCENE. I mean it- scream, shout, wave your arms. Point out the weak douche bag that touched you to everyone. Get the piece of shit thrown out, or if you canβt, shame him so much he wonβt want to stay. You might feel embarrassed- but thatβs what heβs hoping- that youβll be too cowed to say anything. If everyone starts hitting back against this shit, it will stop.
90% of Guys in town- you can make the biggest difference here. Peer pressure (or whatever you want to call it) has its uses- so letβs make sexual assault really fucking uncool. When you see your mates, or other guys feeling girls up without permission- hit them up about why itβs inappropriate. Help the women around you- youβd be surprised at the results.
10% of Guys in town- keep your hands to yourself. Just because Iβm in a public place does not mean I am public property- no matter what Iβm fucking wearing.
Enough already.
