Dear Aunty Slut,
I like porn. A lot. I think it’s sexy but my girlfriend is really anti it. I’d like to watch it together and maybe have a sexy time, but she’s just not keen. How can I tell her it’s harmless?
Screen Addict
Dear Screen Addict,
I’m not exactly a porn connoisseur, but I think I can take an educated guess as to why your girl isn’t all that keen on porn. It might be because on the whole, porn treats chicks like shit. I know I’m making a generalisation here, but there is a reason why porn made specifically for couples or women is described as ‘female friendly’. It infers that most porn isn’t female friendly, and as a rule, it isn’t.
Most porn is marketed to men, so it makes its money by presenting sex as something done TO women BY men. Kind of a, “have penis will conquer” attitude that quite frankly, turns me right off. I’m not sure your girl wants sex to be something done TO her either- she probably wants it to be something that’s done WITH her. You know- sexy time where two people’s desires are being fulfilled, not just one? Because 90% of the things you see happening to women in porn DON’T FEEL NICE. The cunnilingus is perfunctory and terrible, the ‘jack-hammer’ (while it has its place) isn’t going to get a girl off on its own and there is nothing sexy about getting cum in your eye. Seriously.
In porn, men are often reduced to disembodied cocks so that the average guy watching can project themselves into a scene. While I’m definitely not okay with the reduction of humans to disembodied genitalia, this sort of ‘point-of-view’ porn looks where the man looks, and as a result, women are often presented as objects without desires or feelings of their own. I’m even less okay with that than I am with disembodied cocks. The women in porn are there to cater to the whim of the man. They are presented as available to any man watching. It’s icky. And the message it perpetuates is actually fucking dangerous.
And if the part where she doesn’t have much of a say in what’s going on doesn’t bother her, perhaps it’s the fact that she’s worrying that you expect her to look, sound or act like the girls in the videos you watch. Science yo- men who watch porn rate their partners as less attractive than men who don’t. And women are already busting themselves to live up to unrealistic expectations out and about- why would they want to look at a bunch of make-up covered, perfectly lit, shaved, tanned and surgically altered women leaping about on the end of disembodied cocks? So they can worry about living up to unrealistic expectations in bed?
Porn stars are actors- they do this for a living. They are paid to smile and scream and ‘enjoy’ things, even if they don’t. Porn presents women that are up for anything- and any half arsed internet search brings up some freaky looking shit. I’m pretty kinky, but most porn is so proudly misogynistic that I just can’t go there. I actually sat down once to hunt out something that I liked but the titles were enough to make my flesh crawl- “Rapers of the Lost Arse” (sex without consent= rape. Rape= not funny, fun or nice in any way whatsoever), “Your Quim is My Gym” (reduces women to things to be played with by some guy) and my personal favourite “Horny Slut Gets a Gang Bang and a Cum Filled Arse”. That’s just dripping in love and trust and pleasure for both parties isn’t it?
Screen Idiot- you have a real live woman who, for reasons far, far, far beyond my comprehension, actually wants to have the sex with you. A warm, nice smelling, nice tasting human being. And you want to watch a screen instead? For the love of orgasms turn off the screen and turn on your woman! If you can. Good luck!
Love,
Aunty Slut
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