So you’re finally becoming independent, huh? It’s been a good run! But let’s face it, whether you’ve come from your olds or straight from the halls, you’ve had it pretty sweet so far.
Moving into your own whare is the next step in the ladder of adulthood, right after finally being able to take a tequila without gagging. It’s important that when you do make the move, that you want to get it right. You may end up living in a shithole but that doesn’t mean that your bedroom has to be. This is a chance for you to make a statement about yourself, what do you want to portray to the world! (or at least to the next person you wanna bring home for cuddles).
So e hoa mā, let’s break this down into a few categories on how you can overcome the stereotype of being a paru uni student and beat the basics.
Bed:
They say your eyes are the window to the soul, and in this case, your bed is the window to not looking like you were raised by a pack of dogs. I’m gonna spend a bit of time on this because this is the most important thing you own. When you think about it, you literally have a whole room dedicated to you being unconscious for hours, and if you’re trying to pull and bring that special someone back to your room, you don’t want them to think they’re going to leave with a hybrid rabies STD. As always balance is key: don’t be too minimal but also, don’t over do it.
Mattress:
Unless you’re trying to recreate your childhood bedroom or have come to Uni from the army, then ditch the single bed. Part of adulthood is realising that you make the rules now! The other part is realising that at some point you may want to share your bed with someone else and there ain’t nothing romantic about being squashed all night. And use a bed base, you’re in a house not a tent.
Sheets:
Lads, listen up here especially – buy. some. fucking. Sheets. I can’t stress this enough for a number of reasons! Unless you’re rich asf and bought a brand new mattress, then chances are highly likely that a plethora of people have once spent ✨time✨ on that bed. At the very least buy a bottom sheet and tuck it in; it’ll hide any stains you want and it’s just hygienic. Don’t forget to wash them too. I know saying once a week may be unrealistic so just at least never go past a month. Never underestimate how much healing a clean set of sheets can do to mend your broken, hungover soul.
Blanket:
We’re not at the marae, this is your bedroom so put the mink blanket away. Invest in a decent duvet or at least steal one from your parents (“I don’t know mum, maybe aunty Jenny took it?”). You can choose whatever cover suits you; it’s a chance to show off your personality, just as long as your personality doesn’t include any Marvel characters. Or be the boujee flatmate and get a waffle duvet, just don’t let it consume you like crossfitters or people who own air fryers.
Pillows:
You can tell a lot about a person by the number of pillows they have on their bed. 1? Yuck, this person probably eats spaghetti with their hands. 8? This person is trying to add a pillow to compensate for all the breakups they’ve had, just this year. Run.
The golden number is 4 – with the exception of a 5th for decoration–I’m not a monster. Why 4? Simple science: you get 2 pillowcases with your sheet set and 2 with the duvet, that’s 4. If you only have 2, yes there’s a spare for you or someone staying over. But what happens if you both want to watch the start of a Netflix movie? You need some damn prop pillows. Also, if you can fold any of your pillows in half and they stay like that, you need to change them.
Storage:
Take this from a guy who literally lived out of a suitcase for like 6 years, make sure you get some drawers. It’ll be like discovering Spotify after YouTube converting your music forever (also @ me).
There’s not really too much to say about this one, but that the floor, the end of your bed, your computer desk, or the chair in the corner of your room are NOT storage facilities for your washing. Folding washing sucks, I get it, but you’re on your own now! Get some hangers and use your cupboard too. On the other hand if you do leave it, you wouldn’t have to spend money on condoms because bringing someone home and they walk in and see your holey undies lying everywhere, that’ll be contraception enough.
Accessories:
I was once told that “you should dress like you could meet the love of your life at any time” – I can’t remember by who and come to think of it, that person was actually dissing my clothes…
Regardless, it’s advice that we can apply to your bedroom as well; you wanna make your room look good, tidy and not like a pretentious asshole. Give it a personality–sorry gals, sticking a 100 polaroids on the wall does not count.
Walls:
Most landlords are assholes and won’t let you stick a damn thing to your walls, but there’s ways around that (3M, blue tack, ripping the paint and fixing it before anyone notices…). Consider the walls like your own exhibition into your life, so make sure you wow the audience. Those posters of celebrity crushes can be thrown out with the single bed–it’s weird and your guest will just be wondering what sort of relationship you and the poster have when you’re alone. So get some art.
You don’t want anything pretentious, you’re at Waikato, not Auckland. But find something that you like, maybe has some meaning or a good convo starter. We’re blessed with heaps of talented local artists too, so why not do a good deed at the same time.
Surfaces:
If someone were to ask you at a job interview “so, tell me a little bit about yourself?”, they should be able look at the top of your drawers and get a pretty good snapshot of who you are. If the only thing on your draw is a bottle of Kristov and a half pack of taileys then I’m going to assume you live in the Outback. As a rule, stick to the 4 ‘S’s’: style, scent, squad, sport. These are my favourite accessories, I like to wear this cologne, I roll with these people, and this is what I play in my spare time (I just wanted to fit in a 4th S somehow, you can make gardening a sport if you like).
Feature:
Everyone has a favourite feature about themselves, and your room is no exception–if you were decent and said it’s your personality, then your whole room would look on point. But as the shallow beings we are, we need something flashy to draw people in. This is your chance to have something that people wanna be like “let’s go to blanks room to see their blank” (but in a way that doesn’t sound dodgy). The go to item is usually a TV, which is fine, but make sure it’s actually big enough for people to watch and has at least one streaming service hooked up. But think outside the box! It could be a fish tank, a giant cactus, a karaoke machine. Don’t let it be a street sign or fairy lights–we’re better than that.
I know you’re thinking that this all sounds expensive, but start slow and before you know it you’ll be able to get matches off tinder by just showing pics of your room. And remember just because your friends might be basic, doesn’t mean that you have to be. Beat them.
