Disclaimer: Names and identifying information have been changed to protect the privacy and confidentiality of the homies involved.

 

My best friend, Morgan, once assaulted a female police officer while he was drunk in town. Please do not try and fight the police. Even if they put hands on you first. You will get put in the cells for the night and slapped with a court date so you can tell it to the judge.

 

Morgan is not a dangerous criminal or threat to society. He might be a threat to societal norms because he’s gay, but that’s as threatening as it gets. Morgan is not a dangerous person, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. I hate to say this, but he’s a 5ft twink. Imagine someone who chases butterflies in their spare time and loves when new Korean skincare drops at Farmers. That’s Morgan in a nutshell. But you can’t just grab him, no one would get away with manhandling him. Not even a female police officer. 

 

Neither of the participants in this altercation had a choice. All actions by both parties were inevitably going to end in what resulted in the assault. It was a cannon event. The police officer was doing her job (kind of but not fucking really). Morgan was drunk and he’s really not okay with being physically grabbed in any context. 

 

If I’m being brutally honest with you, none of this would have conspired in the first place if the police were actually doing their job. By doing their job, I mean protecting people from dangerous criminals and keeping people safe. Instead, the two on-duty officers were hassling drunk kids being completely harmless. Is public urination illegal? Completely. But there are worse and more harmful things happening in town. For example: sexual assault and aggrevated drunk men wanting to step out anyone with an eye problem. 

 

People walk around with a bag of enough horse tranquilliser to kill all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. I’m sure with a bit of pressure they would be more than happy to spill the beans to avoid a drug possession charge. My point being, there were definitely bigger fish to fry. Alternatively, the police officer used her discretionary power to apprehend some harmless drunk kid pissing in a dark alleyway. I’m sorry but, the fuck you mean?

 

I wasn’t personally there, but I’ve had a second hand account of what went down. Our friend Breanna’s little brother was pissing his last couple of drinks across a wall in town. The police officers decided he was a threat to society and he was arrested. 

 

Morgan saw this go down and felt inquisitorial. Almost confused, if you will. In his drunken haze, he did not understand what Breanna’s little brother had done to deserve this arrest. Because in his eyes, nothing that warranted an arrest had happened. He asked “What’s going on? Hold on a second I know him, he’s okay!” Morgan was told to step aside. Morgan doesn’t like being told what to do. The female police officer physically grabbed him, and then he swung. 

 

I feel like I’m not explaining this well. Actually, fuck this. Let’s make a comic.