Slightly Stoned Chef – Issue 13

Does anyone else think that Shepherd’s Pie is a weird title for something containing lamb? Like isn’t the entire job description protecting sheep. How do you explain that to your boss? 

 

“Did you look after the sheep?” 

“Yeah except the one I minced and ate.” 

This isn’t like that time your friend worked in the Burger King drive-thru and gave you hook ups. It’s a living sheep! Also, would you really want to come home to lamb after spending all day with lamb? Talk about the gynecologist curse.

 

Anyway, if you are a little baked (and not a shepherd) and fancy something to kick the shit out of winter here it is.

 

Ingredients

 

1 tbsp of olive oil

1 brown onion, halved and finely chopped

1 carrot, peeled and finely chopped

2 celery sticks, finely chopped

1 tbsp tomato paste

500g lamb mince 

Salt & ground black pepper

2 tbsp plain flour

2 cups of beef stock

1 tbsp worcestershire (say it out loud, I dare you) sauce 

1 bay leaf

4 potatoes, peeled and chopped

40g butter

1/2 cup of milk

Melted butter, to brush

 

Method

 

1. Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add in all the vegetables (except the potatoes) and cook. Stir for 5 minutes until soft. Throw the lamb mince in and cook, smashing up the clumpy bits with something metal until you remember it is a non-stick pan. Add your first bit of salt. 
2. Add the flour and cook, till it looks like you have mince ghosts with coke problems. 
3. Then put in literally everything else (except the potatoes AGAIN) till it starts to boil over the side covering your bench in sauce. Turn that shit to low and wait at least thirty minutes getting up to stir it any time your flatmate asks you to do something else. Add some more salt and pepper. 
4. Finally it is potato time. There are two options here.

     

     4A. Cook potatoes in an alternative saucepan of salted boiling water for 15 minutes or until  soft. Drain well. Return to a pan with butter. Use a potato masher or folk till smooth and stir in milk. 

     4B. Just buy the frozen ones from the supermarket. It’s not like Gordon Ramsay is coming to eat your pie. Also you will obviously make too much potato so that gives you room for a bonus recipe.

1. Preheat the oven to 200°C. Put lamb mixture into desired baking dish or use four individual ovenproof dishes making a fuck load more dishes for yourself later on. Top with mashed potato and use a fork to spread over lamb mixture. Brush with butter. Bake for 20 minutes until mashed potato is golden brown. Also, if you hate your vegan flatmate, cover it in cheese before putting it in the oven.

 

Bonus Recipe if You Choose 4B 

Put the leftover mash potato in the fridge until the next morning. Wake up, smoke a bowl, then, and you have to trust me here, make a cup of soup. Any flavour is fine but chicken works best for this. Tip it over your mash potatoes and leave that shit for like six minutes till the potato absorbs 90% of the liquid. It looks disgusting but what do you care, you just got stoned before breakfast. It’s not like you’re eating granola and having a smoothie. You’re welcome.