It’s finally the time of year when we talk about sex. From endless love making sessions to a quickie in a party bathroom, there’s one thing that every sexy act needs; consent. Sex shouldn’t be scary, and you should always feel safe, and you should make sure your partner feels the same. So, here’s a quick and easy guide to make sure you’re doing it right.
No Means NO
It doesn’t matter when you want to stop; whether it’s in the beginning or later on, you are at free liberty to say no. And if you’re told no, respect that person’s wishes. Bringing up that whoever you are with previously said yes does not mean them later saying no isn’t valid. NO MEANS NO.
Communication Is Key
The easiest way to make sure consent is being heard and recognised by all parties is by remembering these four words: CLEAR, ONGOING, COHERENT, and VOLUNTARY. Talking openly about sex is the best way to ensure that those involved are undoubtedly up to the task. From small questions like “Can I kiss you?” and “Can I take this off?”, to the bigger, steamier ones, it’s important that consent is being asked and vocalised before and during any sexual encounters.
Respect Is Owed
Do you remember in school when teachers would say “treat others the way you want to be treated”? Well, the same applies here. Respect is a direct line to and from consent, and it’s important that both yourself and your partner feel respected when engaged in any kind of sexual activity. Ongoing communication is key to this; talk through it, and remember to not be a dickhead or let someone treat you like shit.
Consent Under The Influence
*Starts playing Chris Brown*
Consent under the influence is a tricky subject. It’s true that alcohol can make a difference between answering yes or no, and it’s also true that the “yes” may not be what that person would say sober. So, how do you navigate that? It’s different for all people because of many factors, including alcohol tolerance. The same rules before apply (obviously). If someone is clearly incapacitated (slurring words, stumbling, etc.), they cannot consent. As said before, consent should be clear and coherent. If your partner cannot consent then sex is completely out of the question. If you feel unsafe, pressured, or unclear, you cannot consent. Staying safe is your number one priority.
So, What Does Consent Look Like?
Here are a few points about what consent looks and sounds like:
- Solid answers. There are no maybes, and silence is definitely not a yes. Clear answers of yes and no will define whether consent is given or not.
- Enthusiasm is a key to a healthy sexual experience; if both parties are engaging enthusiastically after agreeing to have sex, then that’s good (lol that sounds so weird I don’t know why).
- Continuous communication at every step, from messages, to hooking up; it doesn’t matter if this is a one time thing or a committed relationship. Communication is key!
- Similar to the first point, the absence of “no” does not mean “yes”. So, respect the other person if they decide, at any moment, that they have changed their mind or if they haven’t explicitly agreed to engaging in any sexual activity.
Safe sex does not just mean using protection. Safe sex is about how a person feels, and if feelings change, you should never degrade or try to persuade that person. Sex should always be a comfortable experience for everyone, and the environment you create with that person should be safe, respectful, and consensual. We’re in a time where sex is no longer a major taboo, so knowing how to make an experience really good is very important. So, the next time things are getting a little steamy, remember this: consent is non-negotiable. And it’s also very sexy.
