Dear Aunty Slut,

I’m a girl who’s always been a little bit curious about anal sex but afraid it’s going to hurt. What’s the best position to go for to make it more comfortable for a first timer?

Sincerely, Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Until recently, anal sex was not on my list of mutually pleasurable activities I wanted to pursue. The reigning social bollocks of “guys want it because it’s tighter and they saw it on porn” and “girls bow to the pressure but don’t actually enjoy it” coupled with the douchey boyfriend I had in first year didn’t help.

But anal sex is pleasurable, if you do it right. Everyone has erogenous zones in their anus- no matter your gender, so ladies, if your man is pressuring you to “give it up”, pop a finger up his backside next time you’re sucking his cock and see what kind of reaction you get. If he’s not so keen on that, then he has no right pressuring you for the same! Will it hurt? Maybe. But so can sex, if you go too fast, too soon, or too hard- right? The key is to talk about it and go slow.

If you’re nervous, start with some oral to get you in the mood, then move to a little anal play. Remember that the anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication like the vagina, so you’ll need lots of water based lube. Get your partner to stroke you there, and if you enjoy it, get him to (gently) push a finger inside. (Wait for the anus to pucker over it and relax before moving any further.) There are shared nerve endings between the vagina and the anus, which is why it can feel amazing to be stimulated in both areas. Start with cunnilingus with one finger in the vagina and one in the anus, or buy a (small) butt plug or vibrator to wear while having vaginal sex. Then if you enjoy it, when you do try anal penetration you can use a vibrator in your vagina (the ones with clit ticklers feel rad) for extra stimulation.

When it comes to trying actual penile penetration make sure you’re in control. The best positions for this are woman on top, or in a spoon lying sideways on the bed. The other option is to have your man sit up, and you sit on top of him. In all cases it enables you to control how much, how far and how fast things are going, which means that if it hurts you can stop at any time. The lining of your anus is very sensitive (which is why it feels good) but it does mean that you need to be careful of it.

Remember- don’t go from anus to vagina without washing or changing condoms- UTIs are nasty. But don’t feel like you need to use an anal douche or have an enema to have anal sex. While basic hygiene is important (like washing your hands after going to the toilet), anal sex isn’t dirty or shameful or wrong. It just feels good, in an intense ‘holy-fucking-hell’ kind of way. If you’re worried about hygiene, run a bath or play in the shower- problem solved!

All the above said- some people don’t enjoy anal sex. If you try it, and don’t like it, that’s fine! And remember that this doesn’t need to all happen at once. You have all the time in the world, and anal sex is not something best rushed into.

Talk, breathe, relax and come. Over and over and over…