SPIRITS

Beer, why would you drink it when you could just consume a loaf of bread? Think about it, both contain yeast, water, and grains as ingredients, if you consume too much beer you can’t drive yourself home, but smash back a loaf of bread and you’re still able to hop in the car and be on your merry way.

Spirits are versatile, there’s something for everyone. Need a beverage for your first year eleven party? Look no further than a vodka and raspberry cruiser. The four pack of alcoholic fizzy drinks that your parents bought screams maturity, adulthood and independence…

Want a drink with the girls? Cocktails have a hero status arguably, on par with Aunt Cindy. These spirit based beverages are Instagram worthy, tasty, easy to drink and help ensure you become your most expressive self..

Billy Mavs, are also the ultimate breather drink, hold one and you might find a set of decks appear in front of you too- more importantly though, it’s another filthy favourite that is in fact bourbon and not beer based. 

Stories and spirits go hand in hand, just like a first year couple in the halls, they can’t be separated. Whether it be stories shared the day after a night out or just snapchat story spam, both provide quality entertainment and administer copious amounts of fun (in a way that only beverages over 4% can…)

How about festivals? If you’re going to all that effort to put ziplock bags filled with alcohol in R rated areas, at least make the endeavour worthwhile. Smuggling beer and spirits into a festival is kinda like the Williams sisters, let’s say beer is Venus and spirits are Serena, both are good at what they do, but one is definitely better than the other. Choose Serena to be your festival team partner.

Ultimately if you’re going to drink, and you’re still deciding between spirits and beer, just remember… you’re better than a drink that can accidentally be made in a year 10 science class if left to ferment for too long…

BEER

Ah beer, the classic beverage for any and all good lads or ladettes. Come one, come all, beer is here for you for whatever day of the week. It’s not Waikato’s favourite drink for no reason – it’s the jack of all trades, fit for people of all professions and backgrounds, moods and mindsets, and tasty enough that even the girls will drink it (if it’s $3 a pop at the Hilly on a Friday). 

A good beer is honest to god tasty. It’ll quench your thirst and loosen you up, as well as protect you from the utter roasting that’s install for your mate who’s shown up with a box of Long Whites.  It’ll make you forget your worries and your dignity, but who’s saying that’s a bad thing? It can make that 3/10 look like a 10/10, immensely widening the possibilities for all of you filthy animals I’ve seen prowling the dark corners of a flat party or the Outback dancefloor. 

Not to mention, it’s also the classy choice for Friday clock off. A chilled beer will match your intern prestige while still allowing you to get absolutely rooted, all while chatting to Margaret the receptionist about how much of an absolute arse Chris is being about those spreadsheets. 

Honestly, why on earth would you ever choose the petrol burn of a spirit when you could instead be caressed by the hoppy, refreshing taste of a Waikato Draught? Beats me, that’s for sure. Plus, who doesn’t love being able to produce the world’s greatest burps for a whole evening? Bonus points if you can get through the alphabet, I’m sure the beezy you’re preying on will be well into that. If not, she’s probably not even worth it mate. 

Ultimately, beer is just the mark of a solid bloke. There’s really no competition, I’d give up my left nut (if I had some) before I gave up the sweet nectar that is a cold beer on a sunny summer afternoon. Beer is the king, and that makes it the choice for kings. So blesh up, crack on and down the bastard like the champion you are.

See you Friday, lads x