You put your brain through a lot, don’t you? MD, Tik Tok, casual sex, whatever garbage Netflix is pumping out at the moment… Take our hand, e hoa, and come for a stroll through the parts of the Waikato where the wifi doesn’t work, the RSA is pumping, and everyone’s related.

This week, we are mourning those who tragically lost their lives on board the Enchanter last week. The boat was returning from a fishing charter trip off the top of Te Ika-a-Māui when a freak wave broke the vessel’s bridge, taking the lives of the five of those on board. Our hearts go out to the communities in Cambridge and Te Awamutu affected by this tragedy. Take the opportunity today to tell those close to you how much you love them and what they mean to you, and keep their families in your prayers.

While pine trees used for ‘carbon credits’ are hailed as the solution to our climate woes in Aotearoa, it turns out the trees actually solve one problem by creating a lot more. Waikato Regional Council is attempting to control wilding pine spread across Opito Bay and Whenuakite, by drilling the pines and filling them with herbicide, or just straight up chainsawing them down. While pine trees do store carbon, they also spread like crazy from seed (almost like a giant weed), and form a dense canopy that native plant species can’t survive under, which then causes our native animals to become displaced. If nothing is done to curb their spread, the Council estimates that in the next 30 years, pine trees will have swallowed ‘significant parts’ of our environment. Hey, at least we’ll have lots of carbon credits tho yeah?

Check on the farmer in your life – Fieldays has been postponed. Since 1969, the yearly National Agricultural Fieldays festival at Mystery Creek has been a safe space for those who till our land for profit to meet like minded people, kick tyres on new tractors, buy a new pair of Red Bands, and complain about whoever is in Parliament at the time. Organisers are looking forward to welcoming over 100,000 attendees later in December, so make sure you stay off the roads around then. Ute drivers believe in nothing and will run you down for fun.

Farmers in the Waikato are breeding a climate resistant breed of cow as global temperatures continue to rise. The so-called ‘slick gene,’ which produces shorter hair on cows and thus increases tolerance to heat, was first discovered in a Caribbean-based breed of cows which have been cross-bred with New Zealand cows over the past seven years. While these new super-cows have a lower overall body temperature on hot days, they produce less milk than their long hair counterparts. Personally, I think cow milk is nasty as shit, but it’s always encouraging to see farmers look out for animal welfare in their own weird way. 

Wow, this edition of STSN is really farmer-heavy, yeah? A group of car enthusiasts are terrorizing farmers around rural Waikato. Just last week, a truck driver attempted to get through a group of ‘boy racers’ blocking the road, which led to the windscreen of the milk truck being smashed and $80,000 worth of milk being spilled onto the road. Local residents say these late night car meetups see their children being frightened by the noise, attacks on farm animals, rubbish all over the roads, and threats made toward residents who try to intervene. I personally don’t think that all car enthusiasts are fuckwits, but this particular group are certainly giving them all a bad name, and should probably go terrorise Rototuna instead of quiet communities just trying to make a living.