Recently I downloaded one of the best apps ever: Poop Maps. There’s something so uplifting about getting a notification that my mate has absolutely destroyed the toilet bowl. What’s even better is knowing exactly where they dropped it and if it was a 5/5 dropping. I’ve never been one to track my faecal matter, but lockdowns change people. I’ve also never been in the situation where I’ve had to tell my doctor details about my poo, but hey, it could happen one day right? And now I am more than prepared. I’m also not the type of person to write a journal or a diary to keep track of my feelings and what I did today, but adding in a little comment under my poop entry to say today was a good day is one of the great simple pleasures in life.
Connecting through the commonality of the animalistic need to excrete has created a strong bond between me and my friends. What’s more is sharing your challenges is incredibly cathartic. What I never expected was that this also translates to telling your poop followers that you didn’t have a clean wipe today. Most people understand what makes a deuce a good or bad one, so connecting over the triumphs of healthy bowel movements is a great strand for connection. We all have something in common – you just have to be brave enough to talk about the things we don’t usually talk about.
I know there’s a bit of a debate over the cleanliness of taking your phone with you to the bathroom, but in this age of instant gratification from 10 second long videos, I am a sucker for toilet entertainment. Next time you scroll through TikTok or the homebrand Instagram Reels while doing a doo-doo flip over to Poop Maps, switch it up, get your poop stats looking ace and get to the top of poop leagues. I am challenging you to try to produce more number twos than I do. I don’t mean to flex, but I’m not ashamed that I poop at least once every day. My goal for this year is to expand my horizons and not just have entries from my own or my girlfriend’s toilet. 2022 is for getting over being poop shy in new places.
So please everyone, talk more shit, tell your friends if you had a great poop or if it was the kind where you had to strip naked just to get it out. Start scatting about your scat. Don’t be shy to talk about your doings.
