As far as queens go, she’s not high on my list. I mean, aren’t queens supposed to rule and stuff? When did she ever do any ruling? She never organised any executions to my knowledge, and she certainly never declared war on anyone (publicly, at least). And also, what’s going on  with those corgis? We have no clue what’s going on behind closed doors! I reckon they’re little butlers, serving drinks and dusting furniture but that’s just me. 

 

According to Wikipedia.com, Elizabeth II’s life was BORING AS SHIT. I mean, given the state of the Royal Family over the last couple of decades (magazine fodder and eventually audiobook fodder) it isn’t surprising that her royal engagements didn’t extend past just hitting the town in fun outfits and sitting in cars waving at commoners. If that was my bare minimum in life I would probably just stick with it. Why should she change the system when it benefits her?

 

That being said, being known to that extent has to have some effect on someone, right? Being on all the coins everywhere would inflate my ego a touch. I guess we never got that much of an insight into how she thought. If she wasn’t actually well adjusted and healthy minded then it’s not like they would let us know that, that’s the queen we’re talking about! She has so much power, right? If she wanted to make a change, she could totally do that, right? The thing is, we’ll never know. She could’ve just decided not to make any change and to follow the system of monarchy as the rules state, or she could have tried to make change but it got covered up, or possibly she could have but was told not to by the adrenochrome-drinking illuminati overlords that rule over the palace. Like I said, any of these are equally possible, but we will never know for sure.

 

There’s always the possibility that everything was as it seems in the Royal Fam (y’know, weird and incestuous but overall chill) and that Lizzy was well-adjusted and fun. There is that story about her calling that kiwi farmer every once in a while just to catch up. As it turns out, her majesty was a cow enjoyer, and after she purchased a few bulls off of him they kept in touch (turns out she has liking cows and fucking her cousin in common with us Kiwis). And yeah, there was that one time she yarned with CGI Paddington which was pretty cool.

 

When people are born into royalty, can we really blame them when they just sorta hang out for their whole life? IDRK man. All we can do is just hope they aren’t crazy or *ahem* TOO revolutionary. There’s a line. Maybe the new guy will bring something new to the party. And also, everyone would say “even the queen farts” to dispel the awkwardness of an incongruous poot, but now that it’s a king how is that going to work? I personally think that we should switch the saying from dispelling the awkward poots to dispelling the awkwardness of pant-shitting. Pant-shitting in today’s society is much more frowned upon, and I think we should use this opportunity to lift the stigma. So everyone, I implore you, the next time you crap ya daks, simply shout out “EVEN KING CHARLES SHITS HIS PANTS’‘ and you will be in the social clear. Trust me bro, this works i have tried it many a time and honestly i shit my pants a lot. Like, a LOT. Like, more times than you would think is normal.. And then the words trail off the page woooooooooo