Diminutive Post

Suburban dad purchases ute

Geoff, a local Team Manager, father and brown-nose operating out of Rototuna, Hamilton has made a great new purchase. Geoff is now the proud owner of a brand new Ford Ranger. “Yeah there’s pretty much fuck all parking at my job, house and pretty much everywhere else I go, so I thought I’d go buy the biggest ute I could get my hands on,” says Geoff. Throughout the modern era of New Zealand, droves of suburban dads have been purchasing un-needed utes in effort to make up for both their lost youth and mediocre sex-lives. “Yeah it’s a really nice purchase, didn’t really feel like getting one of those shitty small cars that townies buy.


Fresh start third years starting to fall behind 

Despite their refreshed outlook on university and the new trimester, the “changed” and “I’m mature now” third years have already begun dropping the ball on their trimester of revival. Nexus can report that, like most new trimesters, moodle attendance peaked at the very beginning but is starting to drop as the hard-hitting hangovers of 21st season take their toll on the aging breathers and breathettes. “Yeah I’ll make a start on my strat assignment on Monday after Kelly’s 21st,” says Tom. “I’m not too bad yet, just have a couple of lectures to watch, then I should be sweet”. Tom, who seems to be getting dustier each Sunday, like most third years, is in a state of denial. Nexus wishes all third years well in their academic endeavours.

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