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Student wastes another entire sunday on the couch

Local marketing breather, Lachlan, 20, did not move from his couch at all on Sunday following a heavy night of drinking on Saturday. Apart from tidying his flat after a ‘huge as fuck sesh’ for an hour or so in the morning and a quick trip to KFC, he spent the entire day parked the fuck up on the couch in the lounge scrolling social media until he fell asleep at 7pm. As usual, University work was out of the question, but sending the usual “I’m dusty as fuck aye” snapchats to all his beezys in the hope they’d come over and cuddle (which did not work). As the sesh becomes more prominent again, so do the non productive Sundays.

Another wall gets punched in, again???

Varying reports were received at Nexus from partygoers over the weekend that several innocent walls had been punched in at the various parties. Rumour has it a Nexus Editor even participated in such antics, yet this could not be confirmed. Sources say that this is a common occurrence as soon as those ‘spoilt as fuck careless breathers’ rock up, usually later in the night when everyone is absolutely lazered. This, once again, has resulted in flatmates all over the country having to ring up their builder mates on a Sunday asking them if they’re able to fix a few holes in their wall for a quick buck. 


Harry Malcolm

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