Editorial

I can almost taste it. The humble art of binge drinking nears its resurrection as COVID-19 slowly dissipates from the land of the long white (cloud). In all seriousness, as we creep closer towards being potentially virus-free, the first sesh back might look like a tempting treat, something you could prematurely start under the grounds of “she’ll be right, it’s just one party”. Please don’t call it early. We’re all gagging for pub trip, a sift, a dusty root but we’ve got to ensure that this is sanctioned by the government and not some under-the-radar party. Now that that’s out of the way I’ll give you some ammunition for the absolute weapon that will be the returning big blowout. Buckle up, she’ll be large.

Drink of the Week: Anything you can get your sanitised hands on

Let’s be real here, there hasn’t been many standard student drinks catching my eye as of late. I’ve not seen anyone get wankered off of some new RTD I haven’t seen before. I’ve not seen some new, cheap spirit teach a fresher a lesson in limits. In short, nothing has caught my eye and made me think “yep, that drink is award worthy”. I can’t dish out an award for any particular drink that I sip quietly at home with mum and dad either. This weeks was a real headache. As we may soon be returning from our parent’s house and trickling back into the student dives we call home, we’re going to need whatever we can get to achieve peak performance. Get whatever you need from your local watering hole (while maintaining social distances) and get back here. No judging, get your stock standard, usual, go-to, signature dish and have at it, no judging. God’s speed.

Red Card Idea: snake n’ vape

Things you will need. A set of iron lungs, a good, keen spirit, a fiddy mg vape, and a group of mates with the same distinct characteristics. Now gather round in a circle and nominate a starting person. Take the largest drag possible and pass it to the person on your left. The person who sacks it to having a drag first has to delete a vessel. carry on playing until there is a lone victor or someone passes the fuck out. Once the team has made it to town (if they’ve mad it to town) the loser has to chuck an insult at the largest bouncer they can lay eyes on. Should make for some interesting sport.

Sesh Wars Episode 7: Berocca surprise

So after one night of getting extremely weird we gather back around at my place for what was bound to be a cracking kickons, one that should serve as a template for all to follow. However, things were about to get weirder. Despite our extensive efforts, not one of us had managed to pull. As the host of kickons, a room full of sexless young adults, I was now a General with troops that needed entertainment. For us, entertainment when we weren’t on top of, or underneath some fresher, came in the form of beating up unfortunate pieces of furniture whilst playing Rage Against the Machine as loud as possible. Knowing our love of this activity and our lack of furniture, due to previous weekends, one of my mates had bought around his broken flat screen earlier that afternoon. This was a tempting prize in the eyes of a self-confessed furniture/appliance breaking degenerate such as myself. Unfortunately my friend, lets call him Baz, had a keen eye for degeneracy and fragile appliances. Baz was also notoriously sexless and needed the sweet release of that TV flying over the edge of my second story balcony. Needless to say, Baz sent it fucking flying and walked away repeating the same sentence “now we work, now we work” with “Killing In The Name” playing in the background. The night then proceeded in a nosedive, much like the fucking flat-screen. Most people were now itching for bed with several others trying way too hard to keep the dream alive. One such dreamer was so keen to keep the night going that he shoved a raw berocca tablet up his bum. Self respect was out of the question and I was ready for bed. Our neighbors love us!