Editorial

We need to talk about can a hole golf. It has got to be one of the best things to ever come out of drinking culture. It somehow makes our drinking habits ten times more chronic, but multiplies the fun factor at the same time. Typically you’ll play nine holes, my weapon of choice has been a box of sharks, and with a fast game these will sit you on your ass within two hours. Anyway, that was my experience a couple of weeks ago, add a strong vape into the mix and you won’t even be able to see the ball when you tee off. Have fun out there. 

Drink Of The Week: The Odd Company Peach & Passionfruit

I didn’t even bump into this wonderful drop intentionally, we had a box left at our flat by someone after a 21st. I used to make jokes about this being a white girls drink and honestly, I take it back, beautiful drop. It doesn’t even taste like it has a single droplet of piss in it, goes down the throat easier than a priest’s tongue. I have been nibbling at these during recent kick ons and have found that I was steamed again before you could say “syphilis”. I don’t even know how much they cost because I’ve never bought one. An educated guess would have to be around the $27 mark, go and get them from Thirsty Liquor Hillcrest too, he’s a goodcunt who just had his store robbed. 

Red Card Ideas:

This week we’ve got a few simple ones for you and your alcoholic mates to test out. 

Hermit: Everyone hides in their wardrobe with a 12 box and a bucket you can’t come out till you finish your box. Last one to make it out. If you don’t have a wardrobe you must use the next best thing, the kitchen cupboard.

Paper Mache Clothes: All participants must meet in the kitchen with a bunch of newspaper and other materials required to make paper mache. Get naked. For every two vessels you finish, you may attempt to make a piece of clothing. Drink until the box is finished. 

Nude Survival: All leave the house naked (best in summer) and first person to return back naked has to scull something feral (objective is to stay out naked as long as possible)

Sesh Wars: Scooter Rampage

Alright, picture this. Myself and a few of the boys have had a ripper of a year and what better way to celebrate than to fuck off to the Cook Islands for a week or two and spend the whole time getting absolutely buckled. It was a simple plan really, wake up every morning and stroll down to the local bottle shop and pick up a box of whatever hammered me the night before, that being a Steinlager 24 pack. It’s day 3 and I’ve lost track of time, the boys are on the same unhinged, cross-eyed level as me before someone suggests we rent some scooters. Brilliant idea mate, nothing could possibly go wrong there. Cheap as chips too, fuck it. Quick lesson before riding it? Nah mate, I know what I’m doing. Before I know it the boys are off and I’m struggling to keep up, we ride past some chick who was running and I hurled some greasy chat at her. I don’t even know what I said, I’m not even sure if it was English. We eventually made it to a bar to refuel (A.K.A get better at drink driving). We played some drinking games and before you can say “assault charge” I was naked and back on the scooter causing a ruckus as per. I get back to the Villa and keep drinking, punishing the fuck out of that 24 bok, it will never talk shit to me again. I wake up in the morning with a black eye, still naked, 34 unread messages, 4 mainstream media articles about me. My rugby coach is furious. Fuck.