Fake News 

Oasis is back together, and they will be doing revival tour with BTS 
Okay, this is half true! I’m worried the youth of today won’t give Oasis the love they deserve, so maybe if they hit the huge BTS fanbase, they could be selling out a worldwide stadium tour. Marketing innit.  

Underground metro to be built from Auckland to Sydney.  
This is genuinely a great idea. Auckland’s closer to Sydney than Perth is, so to me it’s a no brainer. How hard can it be to build one like the London-Paris underwater tube. Bonus points if they actually add windows so we can see the fish! Way cooler than going to space I reckon! 

Jacinda Ardern to release track with FISHER! 
Sounds too good to be true because it is! This would go off. New national anthem to honour the underwater tunnel from Aus to NZ I reckon. Great things can happen when we work together! 

 

Fixing Headlines 

Here are some recent headlines from well-known NZ news outlets. They are all clearly wrong, so let’s fix ‘em up! 

How to prepare for a career that does not exist yet? (NZ Herald) 

Great, so after feeling the need to pursue a degree not knowing what I wanted to do- what I want to do might not even exist yet? 

Breaking news! Once you’ve finished off paying this student loan, you’re probably going to need another!  

 

14 Last minute Father’s Day Ideas: The best grooming gifts for dads (NZ Herald)  

Bold that you assume I have a dad- luckily, I do, but bald bald!  

Breaking News! No dad wants a ‘Grooming Kit’ for Father’s Day! 

 

The reason this river went orange is probably because it’s ‘highly toxic’ (Waikato Times) 

No shit! 

Breaking News! It wasn’t natural that the Waikato River turned fluorescent orange! 

 

Vapes ‘Cheap as Chips’ again (Waikato Times) 

Free advertising for them I guess?! 

Breaking News! Vapes are cheap AF right now!