Why are there still zoos?

 

I think it’s best to be clear right out the gate, I am not an animal rights activist. Quite the opposite, in fact. Our beautiful ecosystem in this country is being ROBBED of the awesome animals we could be seeing every day! Back when I was wee, I was horrified when I realised that Aotearoa did not, in fact, have any lions in ANY of the jungles! I was then double horrified when I realised that they are in fact not jungles, but the BUSH? What is even that? I then found out about our lack of natural giraffes, monkeys, Smurfs, and bears and I got pissed! Then I found out about wild hogs and I felt a little bit better. Now, I’m a hankerin’ for some freaking elephant racing, so now we gotta plan a zoo heist! This is how most of my plans end up.

 

So, I’ve already got my zoo heisting pretty airtight, I’m in the cop-taunting phase rn and it’s fucking exhilarating. All we have to worry about now is the selection, because any more than one at a time can get ugly. One time I tried to get a gorilla into the same sack as a tiger, and it got a bit icky. The sack got a bit drenched in blood and I had to bust out my spare. They both survived, but the ducks I threw in there didn’t. I know ducks don’t have that much blood per duck, but it was a lot of ducks. So I’m thinkin we go Rhino-saurus. 

 

UPDATE: I have made it into the zoo, and the plan has gone awry as shit! Every animal I saw looked sad, so I ended up opening all the gates. It’s like Night at the Museum in here! At a zoo, though. All sorts of wacky creatures are running around, and I’ve just skimmed a wikipedia page saying that apparently some different species aren’t supposed to interact with each other or something. I can still save this night with a message to the cops, but what?