Tehana De Klerk

 

It’s always embarrassing when your parents ask you really personal questions. Whenever my mum asks me things like “so, have you had sex yet?”, or “who’s that boy your brothers told me about?”, I get so awkward. So, naturally, many of us do keep secrets from our parents. However, I think that being open about the dumb shit that you do is a really good way to keep your head screwed on right. 

 

I’m gonna hype up my mum in this piece a lot. I love my dad, but as his only daughter and the youngest of the trio, I think you can see why I might not tell him as much… 

 

Before uni, I didn’t drink alcohol, my lungs were healthy, and I had only ever kissed one guy. Things changed last year when I was staying at College Hall (shoutout to D4). At first, I didn’t want to tell my parents anything. How would I even approach the topic in the first place? And yet somehow, I found myself giving my mum weekly updates on all the shenanigans my mates and I got up to. This meant that I got the best advice. Your friends can obviously help out a lot, but why would you deny getting help from someone with years of experience? 

 

You don’t need to tell your parents every single little detail, but trust me, most of the shit that you find embarrassing isn’t actually as bad as you think. They’ve been through the young adult phase. They’ve done the parties, hookups, and fights, so they know exactly what you’re getting up to. I bet if you tell them, they’ll have the best advice. And I get it, things are different now than when they were growing up. We have cooler phones, arguably better style, and shittier music. But, I can promise you that they have lots of knowledge on how to not completely fuck up your life. 

 

So take a chance young Padawan, because you might find that your parents are the Yoda of giving guidance for these next few years.

 

Dave Snell

 

When it comes to parents, some secrets are good. Think of your poor parents and what they have to put up with when it comes to you.

 

If you’re like me, you do a lot of embarrassing shit. It reflects badly on them, and they’ve had to have a lot of awkward conversations with other parents about why you still haven’t read all those Golden Books you started reading as a toddler yet or why you still can’t tie your shoelaces without doing two loops. We haven’t even got to all the embarrassing conversations they’ve had to have about your equipment, other people’s equipment, and the options when it comes to contraception.

 

They don’t want to know that as a teenager you used to hide softcore porn mags in your Hero Quest box. Because then they’d have to talk to you about it. They don’t want to do that. So really, you’re doing them a favour and saving them from a few parental responsibilities.

 

Just listen to the Beastie Boys: they weren’t happy when their mums threw away their best porno mags. That meant they had to fight for their right to party. A tiring cycle. Now that you’ve moved out, they don’t have to deal with that stuff anymore. So, keeping secrets is still a good idea. Your parents are partying and celebrating that they’ve finally gotten rid of you, and then you come back at them with your dirty laundry (both literal and metaphorical). Your parents had fun dancing on the tables at your age, but they don’t want to know how their kids shake their money-makers. They don’t want the shame placed on them by the neighbourhood knowing that their little Bobby now drinks Purple Goannas and listens to someone called “Bad Bunny”. 

 

How can they show their faces down at their local with that on their conscience? The guys at Twilight Cricket will never let your parents hear the end of it. They want to look at you like Frodo Baggins looking at Gandalf, with a twinkle in their eye and say, “all right, then. Keep your secrets.” Trust me, you’ll be doing them a favour.