You fullas ever looked at those cheap baguettes in the weird cane bins at countdown and thought, “bro, I’m suddenly Italian as”. 

 

Wait, baguettes aren’t Italian right? Bro I don’t even know anymore. But here’s a simple recipe to turn bread into pizza. And if you can’t use those sticky cunts, just use rolled up white bread, shit is FIRE.

 

Ingredients

 

– Baguette (or really any kind of phallic bread will work)

– Cheese

– Tomato Paste (or tomato sauce, I don’t care)

– Some kind of vege (at this point you’re a psycho if you haven’t copped a bag of spinach)

– That’s it right?

 

  1. Take the baguette and cut them open. No judgement on how you do it but if it’s not lengthways, you’re a fucking unit.

 

  1. If you’re feeding yourself, use one half but if you’re feeding your whānau then turn it into 4. Or 8, I’ve seen it done my bros.

 

  1. That tomato sauce of some description has it’s time to shine; slather it on. Be generous, no want wants dry ‘za.

 

  1. Cheese it up biddies.

 

  1. Those veges I mentioned, get them on now. If you’re using proteins, please don’t be a cock and cook it first.

 

  1. If you’re not like me, then you can use more cheese here. For my lactose free friends, vegan cheese is like a Justin Bieber album. One good one; and the rest leave a chalky taste.

 

  1. Cook under the grill on the highest setting until the bread is crispy and cheese has melted – should only take 5-10 minutes.

 

  1. Voila… is that Italian or French?