Did you get the joke about this issue? Naming it Nexus throws a party and then makes it completely political? Don’t think we can make it any more obvious right? Alexa, play Sk8tr Boi. But there’s something we’re missing, we’re avoiding the major issue. House parties have all but gone to shit. We’re no longer in our succession era but we’re facing an unprecedented recession for parties. 

 

Nexus isn’t ready to accept that – so here’s your step by step guide to bring back the party vibe and appease the gods of the sesh. 

 

Have the OKAY snacks

 

Food plays a big part of how successful your night goes. But we’re not suggesting that you blow your entire budget on some expensive chips that no one is really going to remember anyway. They’re drunk but not too drunk that gnawing on cardboard is a good option. Plan according to that, don’t be a dumb cunt and think about it last minute. 

 

Play decent music

 

This is a subjective answer, I get it. We can’t say what’s good and what isn’t. This is one of those rare occasions where I need you to use your brain. Shock horror, I know, but it’s time to use better judgement and assess what’s around you before creating a playlist that’s only heavy death metal when it’s management kids. Chuck some top 40 girlies on and call it a night. Common sense right?

 

Clean-up duties are important

 

The sadboi aesthetic isn’t cutting it anymore. Are you seeing what I’m seeing? Empty bottles filling the only table space and being used as candles? Povo-core (not shaming, just curious?) Let’s start using those dedicated bins for their purpose. Green bin the glass and yellow bin the cardboard. For my colour-blind kids, the small for glass and big for plastics and boxes. Simple. 

 

Alert your neighbours

 

You can skip this step actually. 

 

Have a buddy system

 

Skip this as well, expect for sex maybe. You sort of need a buddy for this one.

 

ALWAYS kiss the homies

 

A light kiss on the lips is always welcomed and you shouldn’t be afraid of cuddles. It’s cold at the moment, don’t count yourself out just out of fear.

 

As you can see, our fool-proof guide should help you be the beast of parties in the uni-ville. Take notes and let us know if your next pres goes off, we’ll always take credit for succession. If it fails, blame someone else hey.