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Horoscopes – Issue 18

AQUARIUS JAN 20 – FEB 18LOVE: Remember whatever our political divisions you can still swipe right, have casual sex, and never discuss a universal basic income.
PISCES FEB 19 – MAR 20TOLERATE: Remember the start of the year when you said living in this hall/flat is going to be easy. Pre-COVID was such a simpler time.ARIES MAR 21 – APR 19PERSEVERE: This is a week to refocus and persevere. There are only 60,480 minutes left in this Trimester. Easy.TAURUS APR 20 – MAY 20ACCEPT: The greeks have a word for the constant striving for unattainable perfection. But they didn’t have Monday morning lectures. Take the C+ and move on with your life.GEMINI MAY 21 – JUN 20DISTRACT: There is so much work to do this term, exams, study, internships, CV’s. But there is also Netflix and really, are you in that much of a hurry to grow up?CANCER JUN 21 – JUL 22COMPROMISE: How about a simple trade. You vote to decriminalise weed, and we have another referendum criminalising lectures that take place before 11?LEO JUL 23 – AUG 22RISK: Do something that really scares you this term. Unless that something is voting for ACT. That scares everyone.VIRGO AUG 23 – SEP 22STAND UP: Your views are your own, you are not some monolith that has to think live everyone else. Unless you are in WULSA. Then you should probably wait to be told what to think.LIBRA SEP 23 – OCT 22DISAPPOINT: Sure your studies have been interrupted by COVID and this year has been a struggle but if you are worried what your parents will think about your grades, slip them in between telling them you are voting for TOP and legalising weed. It will make it seem reasonable.SCORPIO OCT 23 – NOV 21POSITIVITY: With so much negativity and fear around, remind yourself that there are positives in the world. For instance in the last six months you haven’t really had any FOMO because nobody is missing out shit.SAGITTARIUS NOV 22 – DEC 21SIMPLICITY: Now is a time to embrace the simple life. Remove all distractions, get off social media. All you are going to miss is a racist uncle talking about how National can run an economy, a BA student telling you why you should be vegan and vote green, and that one childhood friend you forgot to unfriend talking about Hannah Tamaki’s “Vision” for the country.CAPRICORN DEC 22 – JAN 19EMBRACE: Vote, don’t vote. That is your choice. The one thing you must do is embrace the moment. At the start of the year STA Travel and the ASB were both on campus. Life is fleeting. Tell someone in your tutorial that you love them. It will make for a better zoom call.
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