Hopefully we can all bond over the relatability of having made shitty friends at one point in our lives. Of course, I’ll do my best to be polite towards new people, but on the whole, I will keep everyone at arm’s length until I KNOW that history won’t repeat itself. Anyway, these are all the people that are the primary reasons why I’m too traumatised to make any new friends! 

1. The “Friend” Group

It was a comically MASSIVE group. I wonder if they ever knew that I knew that there was a secret group chat without me in it? Or that one of these girls would show me these messages consisting of pretty nasty comments made towards me? Or that they would plan elaborate get-togethers, post them online, and not invite me? Hmm. I wonder why they were surprised when I left the group chat one day without warning, and actively left every time they added me back in. 

2. The Secret Intentions

I met this person on our first day of high school, and we remained friends all the way up until we graduated. They were the first person there when I cried. We messaged every day. They were an extra sibling to me. They were my best friend for FIVE YEARS. Until I found out they were spreading rumours about me being a “compulsive liar”, and would actively slut-shame me (despite having a rice purity score in the 90’s). The cherry on top? They kissed me without consent, and gave me the ultimatum: “Either You Can Be With Me, Or Never See Me Again”. I declined the offer (resulting in their tantrum). They came back later saying “I miss you, but I hate your personality. Can we be friends again and I’ll try and get over how horrible you are?” …Huh? How can you want to be my friend if you hate my personality? BLOCKED.

3. The Final Straw

Imagine getting criticised for the way you look, talk, or do LITERALLY anything. Don’t get me wrong, I did need some of the criticism (Being Bullied is What Made me Hot), but a LINE is crossed when you directly and specifically point out physical flaws that can’t be altered without surgery. I was called a “Malevolent Whore” (DIRECT QUOTE MIGHT I ADD) because a boy wouldn’t leave me alone. Anything I was upset about (a bad grade, personal issues, etc) was immediately deemed to be a “ploy for attention”. Not great. 0/10

Maybe I pulled the short straw in the friends department, or maybe all of these encounters were well deserved by teenage Lucy (admittedly, I was quite annoying). Either way, I am quite content with only having two significant people by my side: 1) My very gorgeous partner, and 2) My best (and only) friend, who I’ve known for over a decade, who lives two hours away, and who I talk to whenever we remember that the other person exists. I can now be at peace knowing that I am loved by all the important people in my life.