I’ve always been intrigued about the Lizard People Conspiracy. I mean, if there’s a chance that ghosts and aliens exist, then surely it’s not too wild that there’s a secret reptilian race plotting to overthrow our governments. And you know what? Props to the Lizards. Politics is hard. 

HYPOTHETICALLY if Lizard People were to exist (I’m willing to bet that they do), what role would they play in society today? Are they really disguising themselves in human suits and posing as our supreme leaders? Our beloved celebrities? The entire NEXUS team? (Note: The NEXUS team is not made up of Lizard People).

Before we all grab our tinfoil hats and start waging a war against our reptilian brethren, I’ve decided to discuss the logistics regarding the existence of Lizard People and attempt to confirm my suspicions with somebody who I’m 99% sure is a Lizard Person.

What Is The Conspiracy?

There are way too many nuances and beliefs around this theory. So I’m making the executive decision to mash them all together and hope for the best!

What we DO know is that David Icke (literally just some bloke from England who likes to talk) popularised this theory around the 1990’s and self-published wayyyy too many books about Lizard People. 

The gist of it is: Humanoid lizards (that might be aliens or dinosaurs – we don’t know for sure) shapeshift into their human fursonas (usually impersonating Presidents, Celebrities, High School Principals, etc.) with the intention to “Take Over The World”… You know what? There’s not really any specified intention. For all we know these Lizard People are just dressing up as humans for funsies. We stan a good cosplay.

Why Would The Lizard People Want To Take Over The World?

It’s just such a cliché motive for all villains. Historically speaking, humans are already doing a pretty good job of fucking up humanity so I’m going to hazard a guess and say that if Lizard People ever do become successful at taking over the world, they might do a hell of a lot better than whatever our current leaders are doing now.

Some sources say that the Lizard People want to “enslave” the human race. That’s not very nice. And it’s also very weird. Like… Humans are definitely inferior to Lizard People but realistically, what would we even be useful for compared to the Lizard Overlords? Yeah, we built cities and phones and whatnot, but we didn’t have the intelligence to literally disguise ourselves as another species for millenia and get away with it. 

Humans have nothing to offer the Lizard People, and we’re doing a really good job at destroying society by ourselves so there isn’t much point in colonising our entire planet. Regardless, we’re doomed either way <3

So… Are Lizard People Good or Bad?

All the theories insist that we should be afraid of the Lizard People, but are we really just gonna be sheep and hate on an entire species just because we’re told to? Nah. That’s not nice.

 For the sake of delusional optimism, I’m going to push my controversial opinion on whoever’s reading this and insist that the Lizard People are just misunderstood. Have you ever seen a bearded dragon? Adorable. Blue tongue skinks? CHEFS KISS. A Lizard Person as Prime Minister? Hell. Yeah. 

Has anyone even considered that the Lizard People want to take over the world for an actual good reason? I reckon they’d be the biggest advocates for solar panels. They’re cold blooded, so it just makes sense that they’d prioritise renewable energy to keep themselves warm. They would also understand the best way to source sunlight for energy in the same way that they’d gravitate towards finding sunlight as a heat source. They’d also push for better animal conservation. They’d make sure that all native reptiles are kept safe and away from predators, making sure each and every gecko gets their own mini-mansion. Those are policies that I could live by.

Vote Lizard People 2026
Notable Figures Who Could Be Lizard People 

(ALLEGEDLY, ALLEGEDLY) 

Mark Zuckerberg – On a Facebook Live he admitted he was NOT a Lizard Person… idk sounds like something a lizard person would say. Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss – I guess. 

Justin Bieber – Apparently some time around 2017 dude was in a silly goofy mood and just straight up morphed into a lizard in front of a bunch of fans. I’m not kidding, there are so many articles about it. Way to be subtle, my guy.

Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Miley Cyrus, and Beyonce – These celebs are all grouped together because they “blinked sideways” at some point or another. No other evidence. They just blinked funny one time.

The thing is, there’s only a handful of celebrities and government figures, and I’m willing to bet that most Lizard People aren’t snorting cocaine before a concert or committing war crimes in the name of patriotism. I believe that there are Lizard People among the common-folk. If Lizard People are the “bad guys” then here are the contenders I’ve personally encountered:

Cyclists – Why the fuck are they cycling in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD GET IN THE CYCLE LANE THAT’S WHAT IT’S MADE FOR. 

The Girls Who Kicked Me Out of the Group Chat – It’s just not very nice is it? Who in their right mind would opt for less of me? Lizard People. They knew that I knew too much. I definitely wasn’t kicked out for being annoying. Right? 

My First Kiss – He used too much tongue. Way too much. Then he had the AUDACITY to say (TO MY FACE – might I add) that I’M a bad kisser? Nah fam, half the population of the North Island disagrees with you on that one. Definitely a lizard.

Interrogating a Possible Lizard Person

This is the part we all came to see. I’ve decided to discuss my suspicions regarding the existence of Lizard People with somebody who I’m 99% convinced is a Lizard Person:  My Partner.

My reasons for thinking so? 

  • We met on Tinder two years ago. (A cess-pool of strange folk.)
  • They’re in love with me. (Nobody does that.)
  • They gave me a plush dinosaur. (An offering to accept me as one of his kind, perhaps? Regardless, it is our child now.)
  • They chug tomato juice. (EXPLAIN. PLEASE.)

That’s reason enough.

          Q: Do You Want To Take Over The World?

          A: Not now.

          Q: What Is Your Purpose?

          A: It’s 3am.

          Q: Are You A Lizard Person?

          A: Lucy what the fuck.

          Q: I’d Still Love You If You Were a Lizard.

          A: Shush.

Hmm… Dodging the questions I see. Suspicious. Even if they are a Lizard Person it’s VALID and I support them.

Thoughts?

The media paints Lizard People as evil, tyrannical overlords who aim to destroy humanity as we know it. Some doubt their existence, some swear up and down they believe in the reptilian take-over. I say different. Lizard People have the potential to positively influence society and we just aren’t giving them enough credit. So what if they want to cosplay as humans? I see no problem. 

At the end of the day – You might not believe in Lizard People, but they believe in you <3