If you’re going through a breakup, please accept my deepest condolences. I hope you have a wonderful support system that can lift you up and keep you safe. I completely understand that you must be heartbroken, devastated, *insert other adjectives to describe emotional pain here*. You probably consider your ex-partner to be the worst thing ever to walk the planet. (You might be right!) While it must seem like a great idea to try and “seek revenge” or “win back” your ex… DON’T. The following list details REAL things my ex did after our breakup. Let this be a cautionary tale: don’t be like this guy. (Please laugh at my misfortune – It’s my only coping mechanism xx)

DON’T Keep Tabs

As tempting as it might be, you really don’t need to know what your ex is up to. Obsessively checking their socials will only hurt you more. It also comes across as ever so slightly creepy sometimes… Like how my ex watched my Snap Map location like a HAWK, and a month after our breakup he angrily spam messaged me because my location showed I wasn’t at my own house… Mind your own business! <3 

DON’T Get Revenge

I can guarantee that it’ll make you look like a horrible person. We don’t have to make everything a big drama. And we also don’t have to spread a rumour that your ex is into hardcore BDSM. Like dude, where did that even come from? (I found this out from his mates who sent me messages asking if I wanted to “get freaky” with them… Respectfully: Ew.)

DON’T Try To Get Them Back

Guilt tripping, trying to make your ex jealous, or extravagant acts of desperation? Don’t bother. I know it sounds harsh, but I can assure you that your ex just wants to be left TF alone. Someone please tell me why he sent me his breakup playlist (entitled with my first initial), which was 13 hours long, features Dance Monkey (????), ends on Joji’s ‘Glimpse of Us’, and sits on his public profile??? I- Dude…

BONUS TIP!: DON’T Write Morbid/Violent Fanfics!

Possibly? Maybe? Perhaps? I can attest to the fact that 18-year-old me definitely DIDN’T want to read a VERY detailed fantasy about my ex torturing and murdering my new partner. To this day I still have the screenshots of that lil’ story tucked away on my phone… Just in case my ex ever becomes the new Ted Bundy – I have their original work! Yikes <3

At the end of the day: Getting your heart broken doesn’t give you permission to be a dick <3  Above all else, the main reason why you shouldn’t do any of these things is because you just need to feel your feelings (in a healthy way), accept the situation, and respectfully move on! (Also your ex-gf might become a writer one day and trauma dump about you in a student magazine.)