This week, I wanted to discuss some of the more formidable whare I’ve had the pleasure of occupying since my first year of study. Home is where the heart is, even when black mould threatens the soul. I like to think of myself as a flatting connoisseur at this stage, but my luck isn’t always the greatest.
Basically, this piece was going to be a cautionary tale but became a walk down memory lane for me. Without turning this into a sappy story of not feeling like I belong, I wanted to kōrero about why it’s hard sometimes to feel like you belong without calling somewhere your home. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll for sure be making jokes about shitty flatmates, but genuinely you can make your whare a place you feel safe. With the sappy shit out of the way, let’s talk about some cunted flats I’ve been a part of.
Painair Cres | 2016
$130 with power + internet
What a hoot of a flat this was. I lived with some hella dope art types that weren’t afraid of a good movie night or chilling out with some mates. I was pretty young at this stage, with Uni looming in the forefront, but honestly it wasn’t so bad. There was never a dull moment and I liked the flatties, even if the end wasn’t the most savoury.
My advice I have from here, communicate move out dates.
Inverness St | 2017
$130 with internet (power split)
Now, I’ve never made myself out to be an amazing person with strong values, but Inverness seemed to be me at my absolute worst. I was in my “straight” era (of which I’ve since returned to), and featured heavy appearances from the big three: piss, weed and MD. The flat itself was chill with 5 others of varying personality types, but it was a formative growth period. Let me add that ignoring your whānau for a whole ass year is never the tahi.
Advice? Don’t do anything off toilets, regardless of their implied cleanliness.
Cameron Road | 2017
$120 with internet (power split)
Fuck me, this one was peak “fuck flatmates”. I’m not a particularly anal (lol) person when it comes to cleaning regimes or making ‘chore charts’, but I’m never going to leave some paru dishes in the bathroom after my late night post-sesh bathtub kai time with mates. 6 people in one flat, you’d think communicating expectations should be the outcome, but honestly? Fuck those paru fucks.
My advice is to always keep your non-perishable foods in your room.
Scotland Pl | 2018
$130 with internet (power split)
Let me mention I was in a relationship during this flatting experience, so my time there is jaded from being stuck with a piece of shit partner who started arguments too frequently. I liked most of my flatmates, but I was faced with damage control on the regular from my ex’s path of destruction.
Advice? Don’t date anyone who starts every conversation with “As a white man, here’s my opinion”. Gap.
Greensboro | 2018
$150 with everything else split each month
The most expensive from my days flatting, but the most fun. Those two story town houses are a fucking hoot and a good shit when it comes to kick-ons. I’m still good mates with everyone I lived with here and I love them all. Miss you fuckers.
Advice from here? Facebook marketplace isn’t all that bad, take a chance on the weird kids.
Marshall Street l 2012
$130 with internet and power
A few hours after we moved in here, our bikes got stolen and we were offered crack, so all in all, a pretty friendly environment, yeah? A core memory at this whare was taking acid and then witnessing a gang fight on our front lawn. Despite all of this, the community was actually pretty nice to us ‘white boys’ – the tinnies were big and close by, our bikes got returned, and once we got a dog we stopped getting robbed (even though a friendly old lady threatened to ‘stab his eyes out’).
Advice? Living in the hood is still preferable to living in Rototuna.
