Eighteenth birthdays are always one big celebration. It feels like you’ve escaped those awkward teen years and are finally a “young adult”. You can legally drink, you can vote, and you’re finished (or finishing) high school. Twenty-first birthdays are somehow an even bigger deal. You’re supposedly in your prime, and you’ve started to live a somewhat more mature life than your freshman self. But when do you start to become the “responsible adult” for people that are only a few years younger than you? What happened in those few years that now they’ve started to look towards you for security, safety, and advice? And when the hell did you become someone others refer to as ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’?

During O’Week, I had the pleasure of being a passenger in one of the vans whilst taking people to and from town. On the Friday night, for the first time in my life, I was called ‘Miss’ by people that were only about four years younger than me. I can still hear that group of students saying “thanks Miss” and “sorry about my friends Miss” (shoutout to them for being so respectful). That moment sure was a reality check, because at 21, I still think I’m just a little kid. And to older people, of course I am, but to the youngins? Apparently not. 

After that night, I decided to research how and when people start being referred to by these titles. I’ve come across many posts and articles, although it seems as if the collective response to this rather talks about how much (younger) people dislike being called “ma’am’ or ‘sir’, or anything similar. Personally, I only felt a little older when that happened to me; maybe I was a little offended at the time, but not seriously. I was instead grateful for how respectful and polite these people were being. However, there is a widespread consensus that being referred to by one of these titles at a young age is considered to be either restricting, uncomfortable, or rude. 

A 2023 CNN article by Janelle Davis discusses how the term ‘ma’am’ has changed from being a respectful term to polarising for many. She states that she was “completely unaware of how much women were outraged by this word”, however once it began being directed at her as she hit her mid-20s, she began to understand that feeling. She regarded it as feeling like “an identity shift when you realise people look at you and no longer see a young person”. 

The article continued with various statements from people responding to the use of the word ‘ma’am’. One woman suggested how “rattled” she felt when she was first addressed in such a way, stating that she didn’t think she was “quite old enough for that yet”. Additionally, a doorman in New York City, Gary Peterson, stated that while he addresses people as ‘sir’, he believes that ‘ma’am’ “sounds too old”. 

It doesn’t stop there, either. Similar statements were gathered about how men feel about being addressed as ‘sir’. The general response to this was that men felt that the term was “too formal”, and that they would much rather prefer being greeted with “hey dude”, or something more relaxed like that. However, one man, a 21 year old student, stated how he felt “respected” the first time he had been called ‘sir’- he did also suggest that when he gets older, it’ll start to make him feel old.

After reading the article, I went on to various other sites to find out how other people feel about being called ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’. I found that it also heavily depends on cultures and regions. A few comments on Reddit responding to whether people mind being called ‘sir’ or not were quite similar; they all stated that it’s a sign of respect, and that referring to any man as ‘sir’ is generally normal. The one thing these people had in common? They all lived in the south of the USA. 

I also searched for more responses by people being called ‘ma’am’. One woman (34) described that, as a retail worker, she doesn’t mind being called ‘ma’am’. However, she’s found that her older workmates dislike the term “as it makes them feel old”. 

At the end of the day, what I have gathered here is that people want to grip onto the youth for as long as possible. Sure, some people will feel respected and easily accept being referred to by one of these terms, however many people feel as though they aren’t old enough to be called that. It’s almost crazy to think that such small words can impact a person’s life so much when they hear it for the first time. When we first come to university, we revel in the idea of living away from home and being independent. That year as a fresher is a journey of self-discovery, but then we leave the Halls and have to become a little bit more mature as we navigate renting, working, and finishing our degrees. On top of all that, you’ll probably be called ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’ by a younger student at some point. Take it like a champ and just go with it.