Aries: 6 g-spots from The Outback is exactly what you need right now. It will not end badly for you. You will not be kicked out of the club.
Taurus: There’s a reason that pie was $2.50 at 10pm from the shady dairy, and I think you’re going to find out tomorrow morning
Gemini: Going out every weekend is absolutely making the most of your youth. You are not an alcoholic 🙂
Cancer: You are not going to find the love of your life at the club. Or on Tinder. Or in your lectures. Try basic human interaction.
Leo: Spending $100 a week on useless stuff is self-care. Your mum is lying when she says you’re a hoarder.
Virgo: A pack of Marlboro Lights is coming your way, and it will improve your entire week tenfold. Stay strong until the cigarette gods bless you.
Libra: That cocaine absolutely was spiked, and all your friends are correct when telling you that you should go to the hospital.
Scorpio: An iPad is not a good use of your course related cost money. Consider a massive night on the town where you buy me shots instead.
Sagittarius: Tyler, the Creator is not niche. He hasn’t been for about four years, either. Try pulling your head out from up your ass instead.
Aquarius: You absolutely do not need to buy a vape when you’re out in town. Instead, buy numerous packets of blueberry 5 Gum and eat none of them.
Capricorn: You’re too old to be laughing at 6-7 jokes on Tiktok. Go finish that test we know is due on Friday.
Pisces: Just because the kebab shop guy calls you boss does NOT mean that you need to go there every night.
