Your official guide to Air Force 1 alternatives this winter

 

For some undefined reason, I’ve been trusted enough to write a column about one of the world’s most significant phenomena. Take a guess! Nope, it’s not the northern lights nor the Bermuda Triangle, but rather something that appears in the form of a mild foot infection, deadly with its contagiousness. I’m talking about Air Force 1s if you still need to catch it or catch on. I am humbled enough to write this as I have fallen victim to their accessibility and comforts. However, it’s not 1984 or 2019, so we should pick an alternative shoe for this winter. At least until 2037, when they are bound to be back in the fashion cycle, and chances are we’ll all be buying them for our kids. 

Uno. 

 

CLOGS! And not just your typical Boston Birkenstocks. As beautiful as they are, when some things sell out, it’s a hint to pick up something more unique. My favourites are the Doc Marten ‘Jorge’ or the Alias Mae ‘Quinn’ if you’re feeling a bit snazzy. 

 

 

Dos. 

 

Whenever I’m stuck for style, I fall victim to searching ‘Bella Hadid Fits’ on Pinterest. Completely ignoring the fact she could pull off a literal potato sack, the girl has an immaculate style. Moreover, she brought Adidas’ Sambas’ back into circulation within the last six months, and I’m not mad about it. 

 

 

Tres.

 

I’m a sucker for not only Dad Bods but Dad’s shoes too. So put on some New Balance 550s or 530s if you’d like a chance with me! Adam Sandler is one of my favourite fashion influencers. Pair these with some ill-fitted jeans and a stained grey marle t-shirt, and your options of ironically like a virgin, yet getting laid will increase by 300% in my eyes. 

 

 

Cuatro.

 

And if in case you really still need to be sold on switching from Air Forces- I’ll include a Nike version for you. The Cortez. Yes, Miss Hadid did influence me on these too, but I promise they are the most comfortable shoes I have ever owned. 

 

 

Cinco.

 

I can’t help but let the dad-style shoe saga continue. This article should be called ‘For the Hot Dads’ [editor’s note: we have now]. I love a good vintage white Reebok. But hey, if you’re into the all-white aspect of the Air Force, here ya go! The most important thing when it comes to these all-all-white shoes is that you get them dirty. I want them to look like you didn’t buy them from Platypus last week but rather where your mums are in THE 80S. This also ensures you don’t get mistaken for a mall rat, and even if we’re behind the trends, it looks like you were light years ahead. You’re welcome. 

 

 

Seis.

 

The finale. The cherry on top. As much as I’d love the pleasure to finish on something like a platform croc (my strange addiction), I fear that you freaks may put jibbitz on them (Sorry, another irrational fear I withhold). Also, this is a winter fashion edit, so until they make shearling lined Crocs, which would be gorgeous, they are off the list. In honour of everyone who ever broke my heart, Dr Martens deserves a spot on this list. They are all classics and beautiful in silhouette, but I’m leaning towards cherry red this season. Mary Janes and anything platform is preferred. Top tip–wear them in the shower to break them in. I wish I had learnt this trick before I raw dogged breaking in at least five pairs!