This week at Nexus, we were delighted to chat with business owner and content creator Hannah Koumakis, and discuss her journey in founding a non-profit organisation that values friendship, community, and wellbeing. And loads of fun! The organisation, Dear Community, arranges monthly events to bring together women of various ages across New Zealand. There are leaders across the country who plan and oversee these events whilst promoting female friendships and community. 

I was able to sit down and talk with Hannah via Zoom, and I was immediately captivated by her confidence and radiant energy. I’m sure you’ll all get some essence of her sunny personality through her answers, so let’s get into it!

I’ve seen on your website that you said the reason behind starting Dear Community was “to ensure that everyone felt like they had a place”. Was there anything in particular that happened that sparked the idea for this community?

“Yeah, definitely. I feel like, when I grew up and when I was at high school, I was always the one that was left out, always the one that was kind of picked last for the things we were doing and I was really lonely. There was one distinct day in Year 13 and I was sitting and there was a one-way window, and I was watching all my friends and I just felt this immense feeling of loneliness, and I was like “I hate it. I don’t want anyone to ever feel that.” It’s something that’s always been at the back of my mind.

I moved over to London and became a nanny, and immediately got into connecting mode where I met someone, and then I would meet another person to connect them. And then I’d make a group. And then I just keep on making groups. I’m like, “I don’t want people to feel left out. I want everyone to have friends.”

When I moved back, I just had this idea. It was in March 2022. And I was like, “wait, how are people making new friends? There’s nothing there. There’s nothing out there. I want to go play laser tag- how? I don’t have enough friends in Auckland to be able to do that.”  And so, I decided I’m just gonna do something about it. My goal is to make sure that the community has a space where everyone feels comfortable, and they can be themselves.”

So it started in March 2022? Well, as we saw COVID fizzling out a bit, do you think this community has helped you, specifically, with those post-COVID hardships of feeling isolated from people?

“Definitely. I run quite a few events personally, and it has really challenged me. I think when you look at people’s friend groups, they’re all the same people. And it’s challenged me to be like “I want to be friends with people that wouldn’t essentially be in my friend group because I usually gravitate towards the same people”. I really want to just experiment with being friends with so many different people, and I love that you don’t judge people (at Dear Community events), because they arrive and you’re forced to sit down next to someone and you chat to them! With things like Bumble, you’re swiping on looks, and you’re choosing someone based on looks. I just love how challenging and open this community has been; I think it’s really challenged me and it’s grown me and my confidence as well. I really wasn’t confident to go up to people in groups, so I think personally, it has really helped.” 

Would you say that founding this community has strengthened your bond with the friends you knew before starting it?

“I wouldn’t say it has in the sense of strengthening my personal friendships, and I think that’s because I’m so busy. Dear Community should be a full time job (with other people as well). And so I think it has definitely consumed me for the past two years. So, I think it’s definitely made me learn more about humans, and I’ve been able to really watch from afar and watch how people interact, and it’s meant that I’ve been able to take that into my personal life. For example, people love chatting about themselves, but they will only talk about themselves if asked. And so I’ll often find that if I say “Okay, let’s go around the room, starting over with you. Over there. Yeah, you can talk”, they don’t know how much they can share. And so, because I’ve done hundreds of events, I know that people love to talk and they don’t want to feel embarrassed because they’re sharing too much. I think in that sense, I’ve been able to learn a lot and implement that into my personal life.”

With what you’ve learned so far- you said that you’ve become more confident in yourself-  what advice would you give to say, your younger self, when it comes to friendships and self confidence?

“I think that- no, I wish I could go back to my little 17/16 year old self, give her a hug, and tell her “you don’t have to try and be in the cool group. You don’t have to try so hard; it’s gonna be okay”. I was just so obsessed with wanting to be friends with everyone, but I think it’s been really nice to have a small group of friends. However, in saying that, I think it’s still really important that you’re still going out and challenging that aspect of your life. If you’re the kind of person to say “it’s sweet, I’ve got two friends, I’m done”, I think that’s great. But make sure that you’re also still going out and socialising; it’s like an exercise, and you get that brain working, learn how to be talking to people, and learn conversations. I’ve really felt that since COVID, people struggle with conversations. I definitely think our generation, especially 18 to 25, girls, don’t know how to talk anymore. I think COVID sadly destroyed a lot of confidence, and a lot of people don’t know what to say. I think a lot of us had just come out of school and went to university, but university was online and it shut us down. So, I think it’s been really interesting. 

I think what I would say to my younger self is just “keep those few friends but make sure that you are challenging yourself to go out and step out of your comfort zone”. I think being content and being comfortable is quite dangerous. You just become complacent.”

I’ve seen that you are expanding to Australia- how rewarding does it feel to see women of all ages and cultures etc. want to be a part of this?

“Yeah, it’s amazing. I think I am a personality that loves to run very fast; if I’ve got an idea, I’ll run with it. I launched in London, I launched in Berlin, and I launched in five cities in Australia last year. And then I realised “oh, okay, I’m only one little gal over here in New Zealand”, and it was really hard for me on the phone to London with restaurants charging me per minute- yeah, it was wild. I think it’s super rewarding seeing events fill up in London and here I am in Auckland. I’ve pulled them all back because we want to go through the proper processes of making them nonprofits, which costs a significant amount of money. It’s really rewarding seeing there’s about 3000 Girls currently on the Instagram page for Australia that are just patiently waiting and they’re itching to get started. So it is really rewarding seeing that; it’s gonna be a lot of hard work though!”

I understand that you’re the founder of a few other businesses as well, so you definitely have quite a busy schedule. Can you describe how you’ve managed to maintain and balance a healthy work and social life? 

“For me, I don’t really keep anything in my mind. Instead I keep everything on Notion which I have up right now on my other screen. It’s basically my to do list, and that’s how I manage my life. I still love running events; I’m self employed as of September last year, so that’s kind of my only way to connect with people. I’m really challenging myself to keep up the events. It’s definitely very difficult, because it falls on me; we had an event that a leader couldn’t make last minute for family reasons. And so, I’ve stepped up and said, “Okay, I’ll lead that even though it’s going into my fifth event every month”. It’s definitely tiring, but I really love it, and I think it’s very rewarding. Seeing everyone come together and exchange Instagrams at the end? That’s why I’m here.”

What are some of your favourite memories from some of the events you’ve done?

“We did two ski trips two years ago, and that was amazing because we were able to really connect. On one of the trips, we only had around 12 people. And we just spent hours having deep, deep conversations. I think that really builds friendships and I love that if I bump into those girls that were on the ski trip, I can say “I know you so well now because we really connected deeply”. Those events are my favourite. We’re trying to implement a lot more of those camps and those consistent events where you’ve got the same people. 

Just standing back and watching everyone interact and laughing, I’m like, “Oh, my heart”. I love it!”

How important do you think it is to have safe spaces like this community for women?

“Oh, so important. I think life’s not meant to be done alone. You need to feel safe, and you need to feel comfortable. We really take pride in making sure that our leaders are well equipped to take events. We want them to be super welcoming, and super friendly. Being able to arrive and then say “I can let my guard down” is really important. And man, it’s scary. I get scared. If I go to an event that I’m not running, and there’s a whole heap of new people, I freak out. So every girl that comes to our events? Massive kudos to them. They’re really putting themselves out there. I think it helps when you’ve got a safe space.” 

How would you say an event plays out? Obviously, when people get there, they’ll be very nervous, but how long do you think it takes for people to be like “let me just be myself and actually mesh with these other people”?

“It depends on personality types, but I will say that if you’re coming to the community, you need to let your guard down because otherwise, it’s really hard to connect. It’s really hard to talk to you if you’re guarded and don’t want to have conversations or ask questions. So I think, in terms of how an event runs, usually people arrive and the leader will facilitate conversation. We ask five questions at all of our events, which are: what’s your name; your occupation; your hobbies; one unique fact about you; and your dream travel destination. We always get our leaders to go first because they kind of set the bar of “this is how much you can share”. And they’ll share about themselves.Whenever I do, gosh, I speak for a solid five minutes, but I think it helps because then you notice that everyone else speaks for the same amount of time. They feel they get to know you as well, and so it breaks down those barriers they had up initially.”

Floating back to an earlier question, can you describe your typical daily routine, and how do you like to unwind after a day of work?

“Unwind? Haha! A typical day is an early start. 5:40 AM I get up and it’s just my own quiet time where I can journal and I can read. I usually do that till 6:30. I’m actually the kind of person- I know that everyone says you shouldn’t do it- to get on my phone straight away. I know that if I don’t, I’m super distracted, so I do give myself 20 minutes. At 6:30 I get up and if it’s a work from home day, which it is today, I just work through all of my to do list. I’ve got categories, I’ve got seven different kinds of businesses that I’m working on, and so Notion really helps with organisation. It’s really a busy, full day so I don’t usually clock off until bedtime. I’ll go and have dinner, and then I’ll jump back in and keep working. It’s  nice when I do have events because I can step back. 

In terms of unwinding? Yeah, I don’t really do anything. Maybe a bit of TikTok at the end of the night, at 10 o’clock. I do need to get better at reading; Dear Community as a book club as well, so if I’m reading a book, then I will usually be reading at night.”

I have a few more questions that are a little bit more fun just as a little get-to-know-you for the readers. Firstly, who’s your favourite musician?

“Someone asked me that the other day! I’d say Benson Boone, he’s really good. I was listening to him before, and he’s just amazing. He was amazing when I saw him live, and he’s sort of like a new TikTok sensation. So yeah, I would say Benson Boone or anything with acoustic vibes.”

What was your favourite movie of 2023?

“To be honest I can’t even think of any that- oh, Barbie. That was good, I enjoyed it.”

I think that answer really fits the vibe we have going on here! What is your dream holiday destination?

“My dream holiday destination is Japan. I lived in London, so I was able to travel around Europe, and so I would love to go to Japan. I love skiing, so I think it would be amazing to do that here and go to Tokyo. That’s definitely next on my list.”

Who is your idol? Who do you look up to the most?

“Honestly, my mum. I love her so much. She is my best friend and she is just incredible, especially how she lives her life. She is really inspirational and so caring. She’ll retain a lot of things that people tell her. If I say a name to her from two years ago she’ll remember who that person was. She really cares about what’s going on in people’s lives, so I want to be like her in the sense that I want to be really intentional with my friendships and my relationships just like she is.”

My final question is in regards to your previous answer: do you think your relationship with your mum has helped you out with starting Dear Community?

“I think to a certain extent. She’s very good at wanting to know and learn more, and I think that’s the same for me. If someone says “My hobby is playing the piano”, I’ll be like “Tell me more” or ask questions like “How long have you played?”

I love to elaborate more because I want to get to know you. I really want to be intentional, and so I think that’s what mum has taught us and instilled within us.”

We are so thrilled to have been given an opportunity to speak with Hannah about Dear Community. It’s incredibly comforting, especially as a young woman, to see communities like this and know that their leaders are such kind, shining individuals. Of course, best of luck on all of your future endeavours! I hope to get my hands on a ticket for an event soon.