THIS VS THAT

CRICKET

“He’s givenemm, he’s givenemmm Peter Siddles gotta hatrick on es birthday”

Cricket. The Gentleman’s game. The game has a special place in my heart. There is nothing better than day drinking watching a test match with your mates as Lovely Trenty takes some poor cunt’s mid-wicket out at the basin reserve. This game easily trumps footy for a number of reasons.

Firstly, cricket is the game of the good cunt. People like Jeremy Wells, Leigh Hart, Jason Hoyte and the rest of the Alternative Commentary Collective have been instrumental in creating a culture around the sport that is fundamentally for the bants. There has literally been a link proven between the ACC’s popularity and social cricket numbers. Point proven. For the good cunts. Because of this, cricket has been reinstalled back into New Zealand culture after their relatively shit period of the early 2010s. Such a key piece of New Zealand culture should not be easily dismissed. Sure there may be times that Cricket lies in the cold, cold shadow of its big brother rugby, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t fight for the game that I love.

When people think of our All blacks all we think of is constant wins. At Least with cricket there seems to be some sort of excitement within the game. That being said you can’t lose in a super over in rugby.

All in all cricket is a breath of fresh air in a market that is so heavily dominated by rugby. If you can appreciate the subtle art that is cricket then i sure as fuck can appreciate you.

RUGBY

Cricket and waiting in a line of traffic are pretty much the same. Both are long, hot, boring and move with about as much pace as an 80-year-old lady crossing the street. Rugby however, what’s not to love? It’s efficient, it doesn’t take all day, and is great for the time-poor bludger who just wants some action, 80 minutes of game time that is, (but it does open a number of other doors.. #AaronSmith). 

Let’s talk about rigs and the return on time invested into the sport. IMAGINE playing a sport that lasts 5 days and only having a dad bod and racoon sunglass tan lines to show for it. That’s cricket for you. A rugby washboard rig however, comes in handy should you ever need it on a day when the flat washing machine breaks down. 

We’ll say this much too, fifteen aside is the way to go if you are on the hunt for that Jockey sponsorship deal. To further reiterate the superiority of rugby, you don’t see kids frothing to collect cricket cards from cereal boxes, do you? Come and discuss how good whacking balls into the sky is when they finally make it into a cereal box with a 5-star health rating aye. 

Cricketers also probably have to knit their own uniform vests, whereas rugby players (should they ever need one) likely have enough female options to find one that can do it for them. 

Cheerleaders are an additional bonus that comes with playing rugby (besides having the support of the whole nation of New Zealand behind you). Cheerleaders in cricket are otherwise known as outfielders (and are the only ones they have). The resemblance is mostly seen when they get to celebrate moving two steps from their designated spot in the oval as they attempt to catch a six. 

Basically, the day New Zealand cricket manages to do a video more entertaining than the All Black’s partnership with Air New Zealand, will be the day that cricket might almost be worth mentioning in the world of sport.