I’m straight, but whenever Paddy Carrigan or Jordan Riki grace my TikTok fyp, I can’t help but feel my heart flutter aggressively. So all I can do is just pretend that I’m not secretly liking them–storing them in a favourites folder labelled ‘rugby tings’. Now before I see you all up in arms about me being ‘straight’ and liking the look of a good man, it’s 2023, and I can compliment a good looking bloke without feeling my masculinity diminish at the very thought. But how about we chat on the homophobia and rampant double standard of the game – or even just about the culture surrounding it. 

 

The year this story takes place isn’t relevant, nor is the team that is the central focus of the tale. But let me start by saying I’ve played rugby my whole life. I live and breathe the game with a constant stream of some match-up playing close-by. It’s something that most young boys get pushed into at a young age in NZ. There’s T.V shows, games and even cereal to make it known that rugby is our backbone and bloodstream.

 

When I say that you hear every insult under the sun in those changing rooms, I mean you could write a dissertation on it. There were phrases and terms thrown around that I’d never even heard of. So it’s hard to discern between the common phrases and ones that actually hit different. Of the cunts in there, Josh and Reid (fake names) were some of the more imaginative. Well they thought they were original – throwing around shit like f*g and gay cunt at all the poor year 9’s. Relentless in their delivery, the main target being a queer boy that seemed to take the insults on the chin. Grin and bear it was the energy of the kid. Had to admire his confidence, but it all seemed to be fine.

 

I won’t go into the specifics of how that came to an end, but he wasn’t actually as great at taking those insults as we all thought. While I believe he’s doing better now, it was obviously a shock that he would attempt to take… anyway (not diminishing but the main point of this story is coming up)

 

There’s a major part of me that wishes that this changed Josh and Reid for the better but their insults became sharp and more vicious with every quip. Blaming the poor kid for his solution, claiming it to be weak and poorly timed. Times were changing in social media, people were becoming more fiercely aware of what they could do. What was important in our actions against what we think and know to be wrong. Guys fought back, shutting down their remarks. 

 

That was until a couple of guys walked in on them giving each other head. It’s an aggressive climax in the story, I know, but it’s the main point. They were projecting, their insecurities were ammunition against those freely expressing what the boys wish they could be. Now they weren’t the only ones expressing their hatred towards the LGBT community but pack mentality can and will always be a rough attack line against the defenceless. 

 

Rugby is everything, but it can also be one of the most toxic environments in the world. Die hard rugger boys will be reading and trying to say that it was just those two boys and not everyone is like that. Clearly I didn’t mention that both boys were bullied out of the team for being gay. Or was it karma? I hope for you youngins that life is different in the changing rooms these days – because it’s part of the reason I wouldn’t go back.