Here at Nexus we love to celebrate people from all walks of life! This week we sat down with three people who grew up as Third-Culture Kids. Marija Miletic, Alex Hill, and Lucy Hurley all grew up with vastly different backgrounds, from Serbia, Papua New Guinea, Hong Kong, and Saudi Arabia! This interview discusses how their experiences as a TCKs has impacted their lives so far.


1. What does being a third-culture kid mean to you? How do you define it?

Marija: Being a Third-Culture Kid to me is characterised by the blending of my Serbian and Kiwi life. While I was involved in kapa haka and Jump Jam, I never even tasted pavlova until my friend’s 13th birthday party,

Alex: My parents are from [Country A], I grew up in [Country B]. [Country A] and [Country B] are very different. Because they are both different I got to learn cultural elements from the surroundings of [Country B], but also was raised with the values from [Country A]. 

Lucy: I would define it as being a person who was raised in a different country than where my parents were raised. This means that I have multiple cultural influences moulding my perspective on… everything really. I kinda consider myself to be a retired Third-Culture Kid. I’ve now spent equal amounts of time in my “home” country and the country that I grew up in. Being a Third-Culture Kid is a really important part of my identity. Not only does it make me feel unique and well-travelled, but it also allows me to understand why I feel a bit out of place wherever I go. 


2. When people ask “Where are you from?” – What do you say?

Marija: I think it’s important to grasp how much white privilege has impacted my experience. I’ve never been asked where I’m from based on my appearance, but the spelling of my name often elicits questions. (Author’s Note: The J is pronounced as a “Y” sound. “Ma-Ree-Yah”)

Alex: I say I’m from Papua New Guinea. And if there’s a follow up question, I just clarify that my family is from New Zealand.

Lucy: I usually just say “What do you mean?”. Where is my accent from? Where do I currently live? Where was I born? Where did I grow up? Where are my parents from? THEY ALL HAVE DIFFERENT ANSWERS. If I feel up to explaining it I just rattle off the “Born in Saudi Arabia, 10 years in Hong Kong, and now I’m here” spiel. 


3. How do you interact with the world compared to somebody who wasn’t raised as a TCK?

Marija: I don’t think I see the world particularly differently from other people around me. I do however feel a sense of disconnection from my Serbian side when I’m in Serbia as every interaction is a reminder of my lack of fluency.

Alex: I like to think that I’m more open minded compared to other people. Otherwise, my experience living in PNG definitely gave me more stories to tell than the average person. 

Lucy: There’s this stereotype that TCK’s are usually really extroverted and outgoing because they’ve had the exposure to so many different people and experiences in their life. I’m not too sure about that, but I can attest to the fact that I can be more open-minded and tolerant compared to some people I’ve met. I think that’s entirely due to the fact that I’m so used to the idea that there’s so many different cultures, ideologies, and variation between people (because that’s what I grew up around) that there’s not much I would automatically have reservations about. 


4. How do you interact with the culture that your parents grew up in, versus the culture that YOU were surrounded by growing up? How are they different or similar?

Marija: The laid-backness of Kiwi culture is definitely something that isn’t as present in Serbian culture. While you can usually go into any supermarket without shoes here in Aotearoa, there’s no chance you could do that in Serbia.

Alex: COMPLETELY different. When my parents were growing up in NZ they could go outside and be fine without a second thought. I grew up in the LITERAL JUNGLE and had to be accompanied by a guard if I left my compound. My first time back in NZ when I was 12 I was so confused that I could just… go outside and not need protection? Very odd.

Lucy: I don’t exactly look “out of place” in NZ and nobody would automatically know that I’m not exactly from NZ. I still can’t point to most major cities on a map, or relate to a lot of typical Kiwi childhood experiences (What’s Ag Day?). However, in Hong Kong, I went to international schools so everyone was from a different place meaning that there wasn’t just ONE culture I was experiencing; I learnt about SO many. 


5. Can you recall any moments growing up (or recently) that you think are unique as a result of being a TCK? 

Marija: There have been occasions where my parents have laughed at my unfamiliarity with Serbian customs. Despite the seeming insignificance, they’ve left an impression on me as I’m often embarrassed to exhibit my Serbian side now.

Alex: I was baffled that my school in NZ had no armed guards or barbed wires. Also, this one time, when I was around 7, a man showed up at our house and handed me a HUGE snake. When I excitedly showed my parents my new pet they screamed. I had to give it back. No pet snakes for me 🙁 That could NEVER happen in NZ.

Lucy: In Hong Kong, I wasn’t really seen as “different” at school – because everyone was from a different background anyway (International School). In public however, people were a bit confused why there was a little blonde kid running around ShaTin Plaza. When I moved to NZ everybody asked me if I was British, because I had an international school accent. Also – at the time when I just moved – I hadn’t experienced a proper NZ summer, so I came into school on my first day as the weird pale kid (people said I looked like a ghost) with a British accent who doesn’t know what Jump Jam is.


6. What are some common questions you often get asked when people find out that you’re a TCK?

Marija: Mostly I just get hit with “Can you say something in Serbian?”. Luckily, I don’t face any discrimination from others, which is something that I don’t think can be said for other Third-Culture Kids.

Alex: “What was it like?” – Hot. “You don’t look like you’re from PNG” – Great observation. I am a white man. 

Lucy: I usually get asked if I can speak Mandarin or Cantonese. I haven’t spoken either language since I was 12. I can maybe understand a little bit if I gather all my brain cells together.