Holy heck team, it’s been a damn year since we spoke. How are you? What’s new? 

Jared: Well, that’s a pretty personal question, isn’t it? Kind of rude. Maybe you just worry about your life and let us worry about ours. 

Tom: Don’t listen to Jared. He’s just upset it’s been a whole year and he’s still not worked out how to get the money back for his NFT collection. 

Jared: They’re cool NFTs, really. Like, they’re all like, pictures of animals, but like, some of them are wearing a hat, or like, a cool necklace. It’s a cool adult thing for grown ups. 

Gabe: No comment. 

 

Last we spoke, you mentioned your sound as “eeeeeoooooouuuughhhhh.” and “Straight ahead rock”. Has this changed at all? Has the year matured your sound? 

Tom: After you made us put ourselves under the microscope, we came to the consensus that a hard pivot to Butt-rock was the only guaranteed road to success. 

Jared: Maturing a sound kind of requires you to have a sound in the first place, right? I mean, we certainly make sounds. It’s quite loud actually, when we’re all making sound at the same time. Sometimes we’re all making the same sound, and sometimes they’re different sounds. 

Gabe: No comment. 

 

With a massive influx of “garage bands” have you been able to work with any awesome local sounds? What’s been the highlight for yous? 

Jared: Garage bands, eh? Which garage are they in? Not great acoustics in a garage. I guess it depends on whether your neighbours are in to it, too. We don’t practice in a garage. I mean, it’s kind of like a garage. It’s more of a storage unit. I walk around the neighborhood sometimes but I’ve never heard a band practicing in a garage. That doesn’t mean that they don’t exist, though, I just haven’t come across any. 

Tom: You can actually do ANYTHING in a Royal Wolf. 

Jared: You can kill a man in a Royal Wolf. It says so on the side of the container. Gabe: No comment.

 

Burnt EP is out in October, what can we expect from that? Is it true to your current sound or is there a twist? 

Jared: It’s probably a good idea not to expect much from us at all. We’re doing our best, you know? That’s all we can really offer anyone. 

Tom: Yeah Gabe wrote a song on it, I wrote a song on it, Jared wrote a song on it. Thematically, conceptually, and sonically, it’s a complete mess. 

Gabe: No comment. 

 

What’s been the highlight of this year for each of you? 

Tom: Based on the increase in screen time I see on the ‘Wellness report’ my phone generates each week, my cellphone has been the highlight of the year. It’s got everything you could ever need. You should try staring at it more. Suuuuuper rewarding. 

Jared: Fuck you’re nosy. 

Gabe: No comment. 

 

 

You’re going to be at Last Place, playing Dougfest. If you could create your dream lineup, who’d be on it? 

Tom: Kyle Lowry, Kawhi Leonard, Pascal Siakim, Marc Gasol, Norman Powell (for Gabe). 

Jared: Well, you always need some solid defence on your team. I always go for a Geodude cos you can get them early on in the game and they’re solid. And then you need a flying type, so I usually go for a Pidgey. And then for a starter, you can never go wrong with fire type. You can find grass and water types pretty easy in the wild, but fire is a bit more rare. 

Gabe: No comment. 

 

What’s on the horizon for you all? 

Jared: We’ll probably just continue to be a middling band, releasing music to a small audience of our friends, opening for local shows to muted fanfare, losing money on selling merch, and just generally being antagonistic and annoying to other bands in 

the scene. Another important thing to note is that we’re never gonna break up, and we’re never gonna die. QUALMS is forever.

Gabe: No comment. Also, love you guys x