One thing I haven’t seen in a good while is some cunt going through a fold-out table. I think we need more of that round here, you know. Having a bunch of your mates around drinking from 11 am onwards in your backyard with a bunch of couches set up. Come 5pm everyone should be fairly steamed and that’s when the drunk mind starts speaking the sober heart. “Brother, I bet you won’t jump off the roof onto that beer pong table” and as you’d expect, it happens. This is what I need to see more of personally, boys wreaking absolute havoc in their backyard.

DRINK OF THE WEEK

Long Whites

With summer concluding/concluded, it’s a drink that seems to get more and more popular every year during the hot season. Not much goes down more of a treat than a Long White during a hot summer’s day. The most iconic component of this drink is what’s known as the ‘vorteke’ where the person drinking it gives it a wee swirl and it goes down in a vortex. However, a downside of this drink is how expensive they are, $27 for a box of 10 drinks? Fuck off mate, Jordan Belfort couldn’t rip me off more if he tried. Fantastic taste, shithouse price. Reserve for formal or summery occasions otherwise you’ll look like a prick.

RED CARD IDEA

Guided Lock-In

You’ve probably heard of a lock-in before, which is a walk in the park really. This one is a lock-in, but you get to choose what drinks the participants drink. For example, when I pulled this I made my flatmate drink a couple bottles of red, along with some Diesels. On top of this, you also get to choose how fast they consume their poison, how good right? But wait, there’s more. You set the deadlines on how fast they drink, but if they don’t meet that deadline whether it be every half hour or hour, they have to do a shot of spirits. Ideal numbers are ballpark 20 standards over the course of 4 hours and whatever drinks you want to see your flatmates suffer with. Break a leg. 

SESH WARS

EPISODE 4: Trapped in Scarfie land

Last year a few of the boys and I thought we’d make the voyage down to Dunedin for Re O-week, spend 3 nights on the bend and come back up in time for the second week of classes. Easy as. That’s exactly what we did, absolutely punish our bodies for three nights straight and nothing less. We really did get a balls-deep experience of Dunedin – kicked on in all corners of North Dunedin, partied on rooftops on Castle street, did lines in the Union Hall toilets at a gig. This trip was going well, until I was given some dodgy powder at a party. Everything started slowing down, I felt like I could barely move, was I going to the K-hole? I don’t know, but it wore off and I kept going into the night. Made my way back to Castle Street and found the boys. Eventually, the night calmed down and I ended up back at the flat of a highschool mate, we kicked on till about 6 am and apparently I was having glasses of spirits, not shots. I slept till midday, mates couldn’t figure out where I had gone to sleep, I missed my flight, had the saddest bus ride of my life to Christchurch to catch a flight the next day. Lesson learned, I should have just taken more gear and not slept.