You know, I’m starting to think that our relationship is becoming toxic. I do so much for you, and what do I get in return? I read a 140 page legal document for you. I watched a two and a half hour Council meeting for you, just so I could write the news. But how are you contributing to us, our future? I see you out there, skimming over the news, heading straight for the horoscopes. Well, I wrote some of those too this week, so, jokes on you.

MIQ

The High Court of New Zealand has ruled that specific elements of Aotearoa’s MIQ programme could have infringed on rights of ‘at least some’ citizens to return to the country. While the courts ruled that the ‘highly successful’ MIQ voucher and hotel quarantine systems were ‘reasonable and proportionate’ to achieve public health objectives, they ruled in favour of Grounded Kiwi’s claim that the MIQ ‘lottery’ system ‘did not sufficiently allow individual circumstances to be considered and prioritised where necessary.’ The courts also found that the MIQ spots allocated to various international sports teams ‘limited the right of New Zealanders to return to New Zealand.’ Although Grounded Kiwi’s dub was a small one, the story was widely misrepresented by both the media and our elected members. National Party member Chris Bishop, who spoke out in support of the Government’s COVID response last September, falsely claimed that the court confirmed MIQ was ‘state sponsored cruelty,’ which the court never said once in their 140 page decision document. We also took the liberty of inventing a quote and attributing it to someone, with Bishop telling Nexus ‘pee pee poo poo pee poo poo.’

Despite telling Nexus earlier this year that it isn’t as easy as just changing a street name, Hamilton City Council has voted in favour of an application to rename Von Tempsky Street to Putikitiki Street. The street was named in 1906 to honour Gustavus Ferdinand von Tempsky, a ‘bastard of a human being’ (according to Councillor Angela O’Leary) who, among other atrocities, led the charge at one of Aotearoa’s darkest moments where in 1864 he and his men set fire to whare in Rangiaowhia with woman, elderly men and children inside. During the over 8 hour Council meeting, bald king Councilor Ewan Wilson expressed that ‘canceling’ Von Tempsky Street was ‘too divisive,’ while Councillor Geoff Taylor noted he is ‘frankly tired’ of people talking about white supremacy and privilege and we should all just ‘move on.’ In their reply, the submitters of the name change application told Council that it’s ‘hard being told how Māori should feel about their own history.’ Councillors Ewan Wilson, Geoff Taylor​​​​ and Rob Pascoe all voted against changing the name, but were defeated by a majority, much like lauded loser Von Tempsky.

More stories are emerging of ARISE interns being paid out substantial amounts of money to stay quiet about abuse suffered in the church. A former member told RNZ they were paid out ‘tens of thousands’ of dollars in a settlement after witnessing lead pastors Brent and John Cameron bullying teenagers – this included ‘ripping into 15-year-old girls over the wrong lighting,’ ‘farting in their hands and putting it in the faces of interns,’ and a few other things I don’t feel comfortable mentioning in a student magazine. The person also alleges that interns were expected to work anywhere up to 60+ hours in total a week for free, including 20 hour days on Sundays. The person’s father told RNZ that he saw ARISE as a ‘cult,’ which honestly, given the definitions of a cult, they aren’t far off. A leaked internal document seen by Nexus saw ARISE claiming that they had never signed an NDA, contradicting claims of ex-members who allege to have been paid up to $90,000 for their silence. Nexus have also interviewed meme page @arisememes, which you can check out here.

A recent study by the Tertiary Education Commission in Aotearoa found that 40 percent of students who pass NCEA level 2 are not ‘functionally literate or numerate.’ Writing for RNZ, education correspondent John Gerritsen reported that the NZQA report showed many high school students didn’t know how to use full stops at the end of a sentence, recognise the difference between ‘written’ and ‘spoken’ english, or how many minutes there are in an hour (it’s 60, btw). This report follows concerns from the Graeme Dingle Foundation regarding young people ‘disengaging from their peers, education, and society’ after extended isolation periods due to COVID-19. Y’know, maybe young people aren’t as good at memorising made up colonial / capitalist constructs like grammar and time – but maybe the education system in Aotearoa isn’t doing a very good job at moving with the times and understanding that intelligence can’t just be measured by how good you are at fullstops.

And lastly, despite efforts to save it, Hamilton’s Founders Theatre is set to be demolished in July. Open since 1962, Founders hosted international artists like Louis Armstrong, Splitz Enz, Village People and other boomer acts before closing in 2016 due to ‘health and safety concerns.’ Local advocacy group Theatre of the Impossible have been negotiating with Hamilton City Council to try and save the venue, but were voted down last week after Council said they had ‘little confidence in the trust’s budgets.’ Council plans to turn the space in to a ‘multi-purpose park and community performance space’ after they conduct hundreds of pointless Teams meetings about it and do the exact opposite of what the public asks them to do.