QUARANTINE DIARIES

I have lost my mind. I have truly reached the height of insanity and depression. Maybe I should start writing Whelmed. submissions because I really am overwhelmed. The flow of Uni is nearly non-existent and yet assignments are rolling in. Classes are incoherent, my tutor didn’t even join Zoom this morning, but here we are, our $8000 education. A series of videos comparable to 2010 YouTube or the original Harlem Shake at best. There is one redeeming factor. The lecturer who talks to his son’s teddys. Yes, you know who you are. A truly precious soul and the highlight of Panopto. Every time he says: “Welcome back to another Oscar-winning performance.” I can’t help but agree. Not all heroes wear capes but this man should probably start. (Giraffe was my favourite). As for what has driven me insane. A lack of drive, believe it or not. A lack of drive actually drove me somewhere, strange I know, but it will all make sense. You see, the situation has made me realise one thing, time truly does not exist. Sure, there are clocks and the sun rises and sets and there’s 24 hours in a day, but none of this is real. It is all something, some dude decided hundreds of years ago. Some random bloke decided that when the sun was in line with that part of the planet it would be 11.59 pm on that part of the planet. You see where I’m going with this? THEN, some other bloke decided this was a great time for my 2000-word essay to be due in a week’s time. But it’s still a week away, because we decided last week didn’t count. See how quickly deadlines fell apart? That’s because time itself is merely a social construct which can be changed and woven by the powers that be.

I bet you thought I was exaggerating when I said I had gone insane, and I bet you feel wrong

now. My brain is travelling at speeds I can’t keep up with. I don’t need social distancing, I need socializing. I don’t need self-isolation, I need with-people-isolation. I need mates, a beer, a little DnB and my beezy. But that my friends, is far too much to ask. Stay safe, and stay inside, no matter how mad you go. Furthermore, my bananas still aren’t ripe.