Destigmatising Desire and Navigating Consent


Sexuality is a vast, colourful spectrum, and kinks, unconventional sexual interests or practices are a vibrant part of it. Yet, despite growing conversations about sex-positivity, many kinks remain shrouded in stigma, misunderstanding, or shame. Destigmatising kinks is not just about making sex more fun; it’s about fostering acceptance, safety, and honest self-expression.

Why Kinks Matter

Kinks are as varied as the people who enjoy them. For some, they’re a way to push boundaries, explore new sensations, or deepen intimacy. For others, they’re tied to identity, empowerment, or healing. The “kink” umbrella covers everything from the well-known—like bondage or roleplay—to the more niche or misunderstood. 

Yet, despite their prevalence (studies suggest most people have at least one non-mainstream fantasy), kinks are often met with judgment. This stigma can lead to shame, secrecy, and even harm, as people feel pressured to hide or deny their desires. Destigmatising kinks isn’t about encouraging everyone to try them, but about recognising that consensual, adult sexual expression is natural and valid—even if it looks different from the norm. 

The Power of Talking Openly 

Open conversations about kinks break down barriers. When people share their interests without fear of ridicule, it creates space for honesty and trust. This not only makes sex safer and more satisfying, but also helps people find communities where they feel seen and accepted. 

Destigmatising kinks also means challenging myths. Kinks aren’t inherently linked to trauma, mental illness, or moral failing. Most are harmless, consensual, and rooted in pleasure or curiosity. By treating kinks as just another facet of human sexuality, we can move past outdated taboos. 

Navigating Consent When Trying New Kinks 

Consent is the cornerstone of all healthy sexual exploration, but it’s especially crucial when trying new kinks. Open, honest communication is key: discuss boundaries, interests, and limits before anything happens. Use clear language, and don’t be afraid to ask questions or say “no.” Many people use safe words—pre-agreed words or signals that mean “stop” or “slow down”—to ensure everyone feels secure. Remember, consent is ongoing; just because someone agreed to something once doesn’t mean they’re always comfortable with it. Check in regularly, both during and after the experience, to make sure everyone feels good about what’s happening. If something feels off or uncomfortable, it’s always okay to pause or stop. Trying new kinks should be exciting and empowering, not pressured or distressing. Respect, empathy, and mutual enthusiasm are the foundations of any positive sexual encounter. 

The Endless Opportunities 

The beautiful thing about kinks and fetishes is there’s so many different things to try in the bedroom. Always remember that even the freakiest thing is already a thing. To open your eyes to the wide scope of kinks, following are some lesser-known things you may want to try out with your partner: 

Sploshing involves incorporating messy substances—like whipped cream, chocolate syrup, or even baked beans—into sexual play. For some, the sensation of gooey textures is intensely pleasurable; for others, it’s about the playfulness or taboo of making a mess. Though often seen as silly, sploshing can be deeply sensual and freeing. 

Ball busting is a kink where someone derives pleasure from having their testicles struck, squeezed, or otherwise stimulated in ways that might seem painful. For enthusiasts, the appeal is often psychological—mixing vulnerability, trust, and endorphin rushes. While misunderstood and sometimes judged harshly, ball busting is safe when practiced consensually and with care. 

Breath play involves restricting or controlling breath in a safe, consensual way, such as choking, gentle hand placement, or using scarves. For those who enjoy it, the appeal is often the rush of heightened sensation and trust, as well as the powerful connection it can create between partners. The University Violence Prevention team recently released an advisory on breath play and choking, and it is essential to know that there is no circumstance in which it can be considered 100% safe, nor can anyone effectively or legally give their consent to something that may result in harm or death.  

The Joy (and Nerves) of Trying Something New 

Exploring new kinks can be exhilarating. It’s a chance to learn about yourself, connect with a partner, and add excitement to your sex life. But it can also be nerve-wracking. What if you don’t like it? What if it feels awkward, or you worry about being judged? 

It’s important to remember that trying something new is an act of courage and curiosity. Not every experiment will be a winner—and that’s okay. If you try a kink and discover it’s not for you, there’s no shame in that. Vanilla sex—sex without kinks or unconventional elements—is just as valid, satisfying, and meaningful. What matters most is that your sexual experiences are consensual, enjoyable, and true to you. 

Moving Forward: A Sex-Positive Future 

Destigmatising kinks is about more than just tolerance; it’s about celebration. When we embrace the diversity of desire, we create a world where everyone feels safe to explore, express, and enjoy their sexuality. Whether you’re into sploshing, ballbusting, breath play, or prefer classic vanilla, your desires are valid. The most important thing is to approach them with honesty, respect, and an open mind. In the end, pleasure is personal—and everyone deserves to find theirs, free from shame. 

“Destigmatising kinks is not just about making sex more fun; it’s about fostering acceptance, safety, and honest self-expression”