Lauren – for
Lots of people say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. I wouldn’t be the first to avidly agree with that, but I have my fair share of long distance connections all over the world, so I get it. It’s hard, sure, but it’s doable and worth it in the long run. Maintaining a friendship or a relationship that’s not in person takes a certain amount of active communication, because you can’t just hang out with them like you’d do if they were in person. It takes a lot more effort, but I find that it’s effort well spent, and it means that the time you do have together is so much more precious.
You learn to calculate timezones in your head, keeping track of when a person will and won’t be awake wherever they are in the world. You spend time on video calls, memorising that one wall of their room that you always face, and you grow to love all of their family members and their pets when they inevitably come and investigate who it is on the other side of the phone. Sometimes that call stays on so long that you’re there when the other person is asleep, and even though they’re oceans away, it barely feels like the distance is even there.
A long distance relationship really makes you appreciate everything you have with your person that isn’t connected to any of the physical stuff, and it’s hard to be away from them, but it’s nice to learn more about everything else you have together. Even if it’s hard, and even if it’s really hard, there’ll always be a day when the distance shrinks and you get to go on with your lives in the same country again.
I think long distance is how you really know a friendship or a relationship is more likely built to last. Don’t get me wrong, that isn’t a necessity to something long lasting, but if two people can battle the stress of lengthy time apart, they’re well more equipped to handle anything else life could throw at them.
Chloe – against
I disagree, Lauren. As someone who knows the strife of love and connection in many ways I find that distance is a mere distraction. It opens the door to faults, questions and overthinking. Sure, maybe a few weeks, maybe a couple months apart could be good for the bonds you have but when times begin to get tough it is typical human nature to run away. Fight or flight is heavily dependent on our abilities to know what’s worth fighting for, and when you’re oceans apart it is much harder to have the strength, and commitment, to enter that battle. The lack of physical intimacy, not only sexual but honestly just the sense of being around people, is essential to deep connections and thriving emotions. It’s too easy to hide your feelings, suppress emotions and lie to each other when there is a lack of face to face contact. Being able to read and feel others’ energies and expressions allows our minds to create reactions accordingly and unfortunately that simply does not portray well via a phone screen.
I promise you I am not a negative nancy or a pessimist, I am simply realistic and understand the typical waves of the mind and heart. History has prevailed how love blossoms under attention and affection which seems troublesome when distance grows. I, in no way, believe that long distance is impossible or works well for some people but I simply do not see 95% of relationships surviving the struggles and hardships. Props to you if you can do it, even better if it helped grow your love, but the reality is, it isn’t easy, our design isn’t made to survive it, and the workload is more likely to strain a relationship rather than grow it. Sorry for being a debbie-downer…
