Okay please, let me explain myself.  

I fear this is actually an unproductive trend, I fear that calling out ‘performative males’ with their tote bags and their moustaches is actually just bullying men for having a personality. I don’t know about you, but I certainly prefer to surround myself with people who actually have personalities outside of what mainstream social pressures thrust upon them.  

This trend (justly) started as a way to call out insincere men who are faking or exaggerating seemingly desirable traits for female validation, but I think it’s devolved well past this. People are starting to call any-old Connor or Joel performative just because they like matcha. Is he performative or is he just reading a book?  

I’ve written before about my disdain for the nonchalant man before, and I think these two things are connected. There seems to be three types of men online at the moment; 

  1. The gym-rat dude bros who preach freedom but listen to Andrew Tate. 
    1. The nonchalant neutral ‘nothing matters even the people around me’ types. 
    1. The so-called ‘performative’ males.  

    I find it a little ironic that its often the same people who say “I need a man who’ll yap about his nerdy little interest” who also say “Am I about to get manipulated?” as a joke the moment they meet a man with a hobby.  

    So please if you’re a Laufey boy, go forth, be your truest self. One of the tragedies of patriarchy is that is ultimately harms everyone- not just women and non-binary folks. Because such a limited view of masculinity is idolized by other men, any form of masculinity that differs from that is seen as threatening or inferior. Not to sound like a white lady’s rustic-chic slogan décor, but be yourself. Don’t perform shit just because you think is desirable- be you, see what happens. And to my girlies who are bullying men for doing that: grow up, if you want a nerdy little boyfriend, stop bullying men for having interests.