The year is 1560. We’re in Lima, Peru. Lope de Aguirre is on an expedition down the Amazon in search of El Dorado, the City of Gold, led by a man named Ursua. These two and some 400 ex-cons head down river through the Amazon.  

Crime 1: Only two months in, Aguirre convinces the men to mutiny against Ursua, stabbing the shit out him in the process. He props up a man name Don Fernando as leader, crowning him “Lord and prince of Peru and Chile.” He’s got zero authority, but I appreciate the sentiment. 

Crime 2: Ursua had a mistress, Dona Inez. She was said to be “the most beautiful woman in South America.” Super good idea to go into the jungle with 400 half-mad men, right? After Ursua met his sharp and pointy fate, she started to sleep with Aguirre instead, but he made up his mind she had to go. He sent two dudes, who “stabbed her so ferociously, she drowned in her own blood.” One account claiming that “they took an unnatural delight in mangling which had once been so beautiful.” Cheery stuff.  

Crime 3: After being insulted by Don Fernando, Aguirre sends a posse of men to his hut, they kill his assistants and friends, Fernando sat and watched, mournful but helpless. They shot him, hacked him to pieces, and threw him into the river.  

Crime 4: Later, on the island of Margarita, Aguirre is convinced one of his men, Perez, is a traitor and he stabs him in the belly. The wound doesn’t kill him, and Perez lurches out into the hall, chasing Aguirre and spilling his entrails everywhere. After he finally dies to a gunshot to the head, one of the onlooking lieutenants was looking understandably uneasy. Aguirre takes this badly, accusing him of being a traitor. He freaks the fuck out, shouting “Curse this traitor, I will drink his blood” and gets down “putting his mouth over the wounds in the head with more than a demonic rage, he began to suck the blood and brains … as if he were a famished dog.” Holy shit.