Graveyard Etiquette

Ah, Tik Tok, the place where all micro trends go to live and die. Home of dancing, viral song, and as it appears, gravestone cleaning. While this may seem like a thoughtful gesture for the deceased, which it can be, if done respectfully such as what @manicpixiemom does, a lot of time it ends up being disrespectful. Certain creators on the app (@gravecleaninggirl), appear to use the cleaning primarily for content and entertainment purposes instead of a way to honour the dead. Gravestone cleaning is just the tip of the iceberg however, of what appears to be a general disregard for graveyard etiquette, sometimes for no reason other than lack of education. In saying that, here is a rough (and not exhaustive list) of what is considered good etiquette/tikanga in cemeteries and urupã, (traditional Mãori burial grounds):  

• Stick to the paths, DO NOT walk on the graves especially if you do not know the deceased. 

• Remain quiet, speak in a low voice, and silence your phone. 

• Leave all personal belongings and/or flowers found on any gravestone. 

• In the Waikato, no form of vegetation can be planted into the grounds of the cemetery by anyone except the council, so this is important to keep in mind when decorating a plot or leaving something in the deceased’s honour. 

• If you bring your pet, keep it on a leash and ensure it is well behaved. 

• Be mindful of others that are at the cemetery, they may be grieving and want to be left alone. 

• While this can vary, many Mãori individuals and individuals from other cultures discourage photography of sites in order to properly allow the dead to rest in peace. If you don’t know if the family or community are ok with it, don’t take a photo.  

Essentially, be respectful and of course, use common sense and you’ll be right.